How To Properly Spank Your Wife!

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First of all, for spanking there needs to be consent. If your wife doesn’t like it- don’t do it. However, if your wife demands it… than you need to do it:) Let’s start with some reasons to spank your wife.

3 Reasons to Spank your Wife

 

 

Leadership

So it took me quite some time to figure out, but I really need a man to lead me. Most men in my life before meeting mark would not do this, however. At best, it was a 50-50 split.  While everybody around as says that this works…  it didn’t for me. With Mark I finally found someone to lead me. It took some time and I know that at times he still felt this was all quite deviant and depraved.  However, it gives me the leadership I crave.

Satisfaction

Domestic submission and spanking have so many facades to me.  Not only is it erotic and turns me on; it makes me happy and stops my mood changes. For me, submitting to my man is therapeutic and it resets me from a long day with our daughter.

It puts me in my place

Recently, I was really bratty and snarky over something. Without a word, Mark took me and spanked me to remind me who was controlling this household.

I really needed that, and I adored him for it. Although it really hurt ( he took a paddle ), in the end I  thanked him for doing it. Fianally ! I felt relieved, refocused, grounded and centered again. While he rarely does it like that, it is really helpful to reinstantiate peace at home.

 

What my husband uses to discipline me

My husband usually decides how severe my misdeeds are and chooses the right method to punish me.

1. with his bare hands

oooooh, I’m getting hot right now….Just perfect !

Usually, and if I haven’t been too naughty, he spanks me with his hands. The main advantage is, that he can do anywhere (and he does!) at any time. And with his great hands, I dare to call them pranks, he can do some damage. However he does not give me more than 20 hits… he told me, his hands wore out. Poor hubby 😦 I gave him a blowjob as consolidation, when he told me this.

2. With his belt

Good selection of tools 😀 (img = tumblr)

Mark really likes his belts to discipline me. He whips it at me when I have repeatedly not fulfilled his wishes, maybe once every three months. And he really nows how to make me alert: when I’m testing him, he likes to tap on his belt- I know something is up.. You can read more about the belt he currently uses here.

3. With a wooden paddle

My husband bought a paddle on Amazon solely to spank me. He uses it very seldomly, maybe once a year. The last time he used it was on Christmas. It really hurts!  It covers my butt entirely and makes me feel the punishment at least a day. Naturally, I was extra attentive to his wishes afterwards! You can read more about our paddle here or check the paddle on Amazon.

4. With the cane

The cane is reserved only for times when I’ve been a really bad girl. From time to time I like to test Mark and snap at him, or challenge him otherwise. Mark’s reaction about two years ago was fairly new: he went upstairs and came back with a black cane! You wouldn’t believe how I felt in this moment. Needless to say, the caning was intense, and so far we’ve had maybe a half a dozen canings. I remember every single one of them! You can check out the article on canes here or check out our cane on Amazon (it’s a fairly basic one, costs around $20.)

 

How does a good spanking feel?

First of all, I get only spanked on my ass. It depends if its on my bare buttocks or if it’s exposed. My butt is a part where spanking won’t damage my body and if it’s exposed, I will feel it and understand my lesson.

In terms of positions, we have basically three positions:

Kneeling on the ground or on the bed, over his lap, and at a table. My personal favorite is over his lap – I m his girl <3.

I just love being his naughty girl over his lap! (img = tumblr)

Is Spanking sexual? 

As you see, Spanking is for me not only a therapy, a lifestyle, but so much more. Of course, it’s also part of my sex life. I mean, all of us have a long intense intimate conversation that felt deeply sexual to us – and on the other hand, we have had intercourse that didn’t feel terribly sexual.

So my opinion here is that Spanking is whatever you think it is – or, for some, Spanking is sex, for some it’s not, and for others it’s sex and so much more. And that’s what I believe, too.

Can there be too much spanking?

During pregnancy, we drastically cut back on the spanking, since we really didn’t want to take any risks. But there were always occaisions for some light spankings- I had been a bad girl…

Mark sometimes lets me choose how I want to get spanked, so there’s that.

As a conclusion: a therapeutic spanking never hurts!

 

How To Deliver A Great Spanking!

 

I get this question quite often, so I wanted to note the most important things for a great spanking.
Relative comfort – Except for the notable exception of my backside, I need to be relatively comfortable so I can focus on the sensations.
Anticipation – Bending over and getting into position to get my bottom blistered signals the beginning of the spanking and builds anticipation.
Increased sensation – My properly positioned bottom will tend to be spanked harder and more completely on the sensitive ‘sit spot’.
Exposure – A properly positioned bottom is fully exposed. The cheeks are fully presented and split, their undersides turned up.
Emphasis on the bottom – Spanking positions place the center of attention on my bottom. The bottom is emphasized by its exposure and upturned position.
Presentation of the bottom – I feel as if I am “willingly sticking out” –  I know that I cannot evade or escape the swats.
Submission – Cooperatively getting into position to be spanked is the primary act of submission in spanking.
Loss of control – I have relinquished control and will not easily regain it until he has spanked me.

What do other women say?

Update December, 2016:

This post has received a lot of attention. I believe it’s great – yes, there are women out there who like getting spanked, and who feel much better after a sound spanking. However I want to stress again that I advocate for consensual spanking only – I do not condone any violent or non-consensual activities. Neither do I condone spanking children and I don’t advise you to spank in front of your children. You might search on the internet for “quiet spanking”, it’s what we do.

Now what do my readers think?

With over 100 comments, so many people have stopped by and shared their experiences in spanking and their relationships in general, so I wanted to select  and highlight some of them.

Enjoy:

SpankMeVB (also blogs at spankmevb.wordpress.com ):

I’m youngish (35) and still single. One of my challenges in finding the right man to spend my life with is that I CAN’T be in a longterm, stable relationship with a man who won’t spank me and/or whom I can’t trust and respect enough to let him. Most men really don’t get it. I’ve had so many bad experiences with requesting this and winding up with either being hit just a couple of times but ridiculously hard or in a dangerous spot, or just a wimpy, quick little series of love pats. It seems they also think that one hard swat that “leaves a handprint” is a big deal. They don’t get the psychological or emotional aspect at all.

Bratness commented as well. She and her husband parted ways recently, and she feels as if the lack of spanking in their relationship might be related to this (sadly). Her story shows, that women might no even know how great a sound spanking can be.

Yes have read the guide. Many guides. We discussed for a week…then one day my husband said “the past needed to be in the past…a clean slate”. I agreed…and we picked a date to begin. One of the things we did was we made a short list…i think it ended up being 10… of things that really stuck out over our 20 year marriage that needed to be forgiven and forgotten.

Here is a comment from Sarah. She used to get spanked from her father (note that I do not advocate spanking children here! It is, however, a perspective.) Click on the link to read the entire comment – unfortunately, Sarah’s husband is only reluctantly spanking her.

Shortly thereafter, my door opened, the sheet was ripped away, and dad’s belt fell sharply on my bare bottom several times. I cried and he said “you missed your curfew.” I never missed curfew again. As a child, I remember getting in trouble and being called to stand in front of him to accept my spankings. Yet, I never felt abused, but rather I felt loved, protected, and well taken care of.

As you read the comments, you see that long discussions have evolved. I believe it is this added perspective of others which makes reading my article even better – you don’t have to agree with me, but I believe that spanking is a great thing (for some) and that’s why I published this article. I have received even more emails, but as I respect privacy, I wont’t  publish them here. However, reading a “Thank you” in a mail or comment is what keeps me motivated – I have helped various people here and that’s great.

And now, if you have any thoughts, write me a comment and I’ll get back at you – or, for private qusetions- check out the contact section for my mail address.

In any cases, you can check out my Guide on How To Spank Your Wife: Click here to read a detailed description, or go to Amazon and click here for more!

Love,

Constance

209 thoughts on “How To Properly Spank Your Wife!”

  1. We use spanking as punishment but most of the time we do it just as a fun thing. She still wants it to be done as if it were punishment. Should we establish some rules for her to follow?

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  3. Hello Constance

    You did a great job covering how a man should spank a woman

    I always use my hand or a wooden paddle. And it is always done over the knee.
    We have had some great sex afterwards.

    I do the normal maintenance and punishment spankings. We even do boot camp where we go to a secluded place. We do this at least once a year where there are multiple spankings.
    I even have two levels of maintenance I use

    Anyway, you and HOH should try boot camp. I can give you some ideas if you want. There is a lot of spanking. but it’s mostly just relaxing, watching TV, and playing games,And a lot of sex, of course.

    I just recently added a new rule to our boot camp. I got tired of pulling two sets of garments up and down and up and down every time I spanked. She is now required for her bottom to remain bare at all times unless we go out. This has helped a lot. It is also good for on the spot corrections.
    We just got back from a seven day seesion where she was without pants for the full duration and it all went very well.
    This was not as bad as it sounds. She had a blanket in case she got cold and a portable cushion for her comfort.

    Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon

    Take care

    Ray

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  4. Should we punish our wives roughly like giving her rough anal sex that really hert her after spanking or spanking is enough for them?

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  5. Istnieje kolosalna różnica pomiędzy pornografią a gołym ciałem. Artykuł nic o tym nie mówi. Nigdy w życiu nie czytałem bardziej nieudanej i bardziej przez to fałszywej, oceny! Pornografia, to domena szatana, w której żaden szanujący się mężczyzna nie lubuje się! Najgorsze grzechy świata związane są z pornografią. Oglądać zaś kobiece ciało, to zupełnie inna sprawa. Ciało stworzył sam Bóg, i stworzył je dobre! Trzeba jednak i na nie patrzeć z szacunkiem i ostrożnością. Problem polega na tym, że u wielu ludzi (jak u autora tego artykułu), istnieje brak jasnego rozeznania między złem a dobrem. To powiedziawszy, z pewnością nie ma nic bardziej perfidnego niż patrzenie na zasłużoną karę cielesną jak gdyby była sceną pornograficzną! Tego pożąda szatan i wszyscy, którzy celowo szerzą jego “królowanie” na ziemi! Nie można nigdy pozwolić, by szatan zwyciężył. Na karę trzeba patrzeć ze zgrozą i z poszanowaniem, nie “pornograficznie,” ale pedagogicznie!

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  7. Okay, first, let’s get real. My husband and I enjoy a spanking relationship and are most likely the eldest posters here. Frequency, intensity and urgency all have ups and downs.

    In a d/s relationship, both must desire to please the other more than themselves or it doesn’t work. That’s what love is all about. That means his spankings are not based on selfish desires. That means that she does not too from the bottom.

    And as far as the questions about forced anal sex, the questions that need to be asked is, “Is this safe, sane and consensual?” “Do you want this to be a part of your relationship?” If not, it is a use and you should leave, now!

    I am disappointed that this was not an immediate reply. Wake up! This is mandatory! If you are not safe and in agreement then it is bad!!

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  8. A wife needs to feel the strong hand of her husband across her naked cheeks! Only then will she be able to service her husband correctly. Any slut requiring disc, get in touch!

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  10. The need for explicit consent seems to be largely a generational issue for those coming of age after the 1970s. Prior to that time, while by no means universally practiced, there was an implicit understanding that marriage gave husbands permission to spank their wives. According to the logic of the day, spanking was preferable to bickering and divorce.

    It is likewise important to remember that going bare bottomed over a man’s knee back then wasn’t a novel experience for most women of the era. Most women grew up with at least some experience being spanked by their fathers. Nor were these necessarily pro forma affairs. Sometimes, daughters almost literally couldn’t sit down after their fathers got through with them!

    According to my wife, most women require at least some spanking with a belt for paddle if a man is going to get through to them. Then can be especially true if a woman grew up learning how to endure spankings rather than being made submissive by them. in any contest of wills, the battle with a stubborn woman is half won if she knows the implement in her man’s hand will outlast her stubborn streak!

    More importantly, unless a woman has lost respect for a man, she secretly wants him to win in any contest of wills. There is security in knowing the man can take charge when he needs to do so.

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      • Let’s cut to the chase. Opposition to spanking is rooted in feminism.

        Founders of the women’s rights movement were a couple of women slighted as a convention of abolitionists. Not surprisingly, later feminist rhetoric frequently incorporated many of the ideas familiar to those originally opposed to 19th century intuitionalized antebellum slavery.

        Chief among the abolitionist concepts incorporated into feminism is the notion that women are perpetually enslaved by men with marriage being the primary example thereof. It follows, therefore, that spanking is equated in the feminist mind with flogging the slaves.

        Never mind that women are often numbered among the chief advocates of husbands being allowed to preserve domestic tranquility by putting their wives over the knee for a straightening out. Spanking is bad because men do it. A generation ago, there was even a push to have any woman desirous of being physically disciplined by a man to be declared mentally ill.

        Late 20th century problems developed with spanking for one simple and thoroughly incorrect reason. It conflicted with then recently passed federal equality legislation giving women equal rights with men.

        Spanking was a thorny social issue because, unlike sons, there is no upper age limit beyond which the occasional thrashing of an older daughter’s bare bottom ceases to be effective. Consequently, in a era when a daughter could be legally spanked by her parents until her 21st birthday, an almost millennium-old common-law implicit right to spank transferred from a young woman’s father to the her husband upon marriage.

        For the most part, while there were abuses, an officially permissive attitude towards spanking promoted social stability. In the early 21st century, thanks in part to domestic violence laws and no-fault divorce, families have become more fragmented and less stable as divorce became more socially acceptable than spanking.

        While undermining traditional male authority in the home may have been good for some women, a more important question is whether or not it has been good for society.

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  11. Sorry for the typo. The first sentence in the third paragraph should have read “belt or paddle.”

    I am probably less “astute” than merely the beneficiary of growing up at a time when spanking the fairer sex was both permissible and occasionally discussed by women on a personal level. Had I come of age when young women treated being spanked as if were a matter of national security, I might be as bewildered as many men these days.

    Relatively few members of the younger generations appreciate the paradigm shift following the Sexual Revolution. The subsequent push for gender equality tried to repeal the laws of biology and replace it with legal fiction. Only recently have men and women risked reestablishing once reviled traditional relationships. .

    Of course, old-fashioned marriages have always been around. People are often shocked by how long my wife and I have been together.

    At the same time, society has a love-hate relationship with marriages like ours. While it many people still approve of longevity in marriage as in ideal, they are unwilling to acknowledge there are simply those times when a husband needs to pull his wife’s pants down, put her over is lap, spank her until she is thoroughly submissive, and then make her stand embarrassingly bare bottomed in a corner afterwards!

    In particular young husbands needs to understand that it matters less what comes out of his bride’s mouth while her bottom is being blistered than how she behaves after the stinging subsides.

    Thanks to thousands of years of evolutionary interaction with men, women are psychologically wired and physically designed to be spanked. It doesn’t matter whether a woman 17 or 70, spanking a woman’s backside opens an unlocked backdoor to her brain. More importantly, unless a wife has totally lost respect for her husband, she’ll blame herself for having to be spanked. That used to be the worst kept secret in bedroom politics. It is also one of the reasons why, when properly administered, spanking can be so effective in straightening out a difficult wife.

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      • I agree with the Experienced Husband. A woman’s brain is wired to her backside with thousands of years of spankings experiences. Soon she does something wrong, the nerve connections in her behind alert her to be carefull.This causes that she is best streightened in her behavior by the husband’s attention to her butt. Soon she says or does something wrong, This is in every woman’s genes! For this reason, every wife brings to the marriage a willing backside, expecting punishment, sooner or later! The husbands who ignore this, end up divorcing, or having a miserable marriage!

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      • I’m not sure I believe this is the way for EVERY woman. I got a chuckle reading your post though, because my butt actually feels like it’s tingling when I give a man I’m in a relationship with a bad attitude. lol

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      • A statement need not be universally applicable to be true. The case of tingling backsides was certainly true for women of earlier generations. Once reason was that the connection between spanking and misbehavior was more well established than it is these days.

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    • Let’s cut to this chase: opposition to spanking is based on considering women as equal human beings who are worthy of love and respect.
      Men have treated women like children for thousands of years. Women have developed Stockholm syndrome as a result of mistreatment but that can be over come.
      Women are not ‘sluts’ they do not need to respect their husband if he is undeserving of that respect and a controlling, slap-happy moron is not worthy of respect at all.
      Husbands who want to beat their wives are controlling and usually have a serious sadistic streak which is not mentally normal in any way.
      I’ve treated plenty in my 35 year career as a clinical psychologist. The wives are very low in esteem and believe they deserve to be treated badly. It is sad to see really. They cannot reach their true potential as long as they are kept in this situation.

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      • Well, no. Women need physical discipline now because they have been brought up badly, to hate men, to regard marriage as involuntary servitude. Divorce rates have skyrocketed precisely because women are not receiving the physical sicipline necessary to offset noxious influences in the kultrusmog. When men were the HOH and income provider, there was little need to apply physical discipline – women wanted and expected men to lead. Now, women see the home as a site of political struggle, with themselves as the oppressed class.

        But women have NEVER been oppressed, but protected. This goes back to the rules of war even thousands of years back. In the well documented case of Melos during the Peloponnese War, the Athenisans killed all the men of military age, but allowed the women to live as servants. The sociobioligical foundation for this is that women are far more essential for propagating the species than men. Men can be discarded with no loss in potential population growth – other men can make up the slack. When Christianity reformed the West to abolish slavery and polygamy, women’s status increased enormously. Feminism erases the progress achieve over two thousand years.

        We cannot hope to return our culture to a pre-feminist standard – we don’t know how to put the genie back into the bottle. Husbands physically correcting their wives cuts through the damage being done by a society that regards female labor not as an exception but a new and desirable norm. Many women are damaged beyond repair by gynocentrism, hjypergamy, monkey branching, vagina privilege, as reflected in the sad state of Family Law. Some women who desire what is best for themselves will be willing to submit and learn. For those who will or can not, men must Walk Away. If fifteen percent of men Walk Away, women will be obliged to reconsider their position.

        I have botherd to respond at lenght because so much propagand and agitation has been urged against men. It is time to rebut and reject it. Not just for the sake of men, but for women too, this wisdome must become accepted. Else, man weill drafit to less demanding work, and live an easier life, a good life, without women. Women will be left with their sex toys and their cats.

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    • “In particular young husbands needs to understand that it matters less what comes out of his bride’s mouth while her bottom is being blistered than how she behaves after the stinging subsides.“

      This.

      We frequently spank for fun, but the first and only time I spanked her for ‘real’, she initially consented. She had been verbally abusive toward our child, and my warning to not do it again had gone unheeded.

      She went over my knee for the warmup, against the wall for the yardstick, and back over my knee for the homestretch. I lectured. She cried.

      Afterward, we had a very awkward week. She was mad. She threatened to leave if I ever ‘hit her’ again. I became furious that she would go there – as if I was abusing her. I ignored her for three days. We talked it out.

      Since that day, her self-described “uncontrollable” outbursts toward the kids have not returned.

      Spanking your wife, for real, is no joke. It’s high-risk. She might shape up or she might ship out.

      But it just might work.

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  12. My husband and I are researching this lifestyle it was my idea iv kept it a secret for years my husband and I have been married 4 years and I finally told him about a month ago he was shocked to say the least and wasn’t sure how to proceed or process..but he’s definitely come around to the idea… spanking turns me on and I like to feel submitted to my husband which is weird because I have a full time Carrier am bold strong minded and independent I feel like I don’t fit into the character of a submissive.. iv been reading all theese replys.. I don’t let my husband have anal with me it hurts alot but of course he loves it and I’d like to please him in that way how can I prepare my body for lack of better words to give him that? I was thinking if making a contract of things we agree on as far as punishment and behavior.. ladies is there anything you’ve put your foot down about said no way? And what is the protocal on calling your guy sir is it pretty standard..do you prefur to have your husband pull your pants down or do you prefer to pull them down, I red another place that having the wife bare her own bottom is a way of agreeing to the punishment. I assume it’s a relationship choice Im curious to other options I guess my husband and I have done one session (for spending to much money) as a trial I guess more for him then me I know it’s supposed to hurt I know I’m not supposed to like it I know I deserve it (even tho I get so turned on) it did hurt and I felt it the next day and I definitely thought twice before spending any money.. and weirdly felt a closeness to my husband and a calm over myself like I was spanked into a rejuvenation!!! Even tho this has been a deep dark secret fantasy for me for a long time my husband and I both are new to this and learning and I would just really appreciate any guidance or advice.. we will be kid free this weekend and so we plan to re visit my spending and or maintenance this will only be session 2 I asked him to do some research on how to spank me so he doesn’t go balls to the walls right out the gate (he didn’t last time) but going forward I feel like he needs to have some insight of what he’s doing, guys any advice or direction for him thanks in advance everyone 🙂

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    • My observations may be different from others because I come from an older generation. Nevertheless, some of what I have to offer is still relevant. In my experience, people really haven’t changed all that much. With that thought in mind, here are some answers to your questions:

      1. Although a popular expression these days, it is misleading to refer to spanking as a lifestyle. More accurately, spanking is a traditional method of resolving marital difficulties that have not been or cannot be settled by other means. Some women need, sometimes even want or expect, more spanking than others. A few generations back it was not uncommon for a woman to enter into marriage with the understanding that she could be spanked by her husband. The catch-all phrase of the day was defraud, which had a broader meaning than it does these days.

      2. Even if they publicly oppose it, and protest the very idea of being put over a man’s knee, most women are fascinated by spanking. Quite often, those more attracted to the idea of being spanked think they’re the only one to feel that way. They also tend to be genuinely surprised when upon discovering they’re not alone.

      3. When women are aroused by being spanked, it is generally on one of two levels. The more superficial level usually this results from the rhythmic spanking of her buttocks. On this level, a woman typically wants the man between her legs just as soon as her spanking is over. The other is deeper and more visceral. It arises from a biological amalgam of being simultaneously dominated and protected while being wanted. Part of it translates into respect.

      4. Although I began spanking my wife when we were in college, I’ve never punished her with anal penetration. Nor, quite frankly, had I even heard of it used in that context until quite recently.

      Beyond the writings of Marquis de Sade, I first came across anal penetration as a young man living abroad in a predominantly Catholic country where other means of birth control were not available. It seems that once couples had as many children as they could afford, women preferred anal penetration to another pregnancy!

      5. The problem of who controls the woman’s pants also seems to be an issue of recent origin. In the days when unmarried daughters were sometimes spanked by their parents into their 20s, a typical phrase uttered by mothers with hairbrush in hand was, “Are you going to pull down those panties, Young Lady, or am I going to have to do it for you.” Not surprisingly this philosophy transferred into marriages.

      The issue was less who physically lowered or removed a woman’s panties was less important than who dictated their repositioning. Whether it was the man’s hand, or the woman’s hands at the man’s direction, didn’t make any significant difference in those days.

      When we were dating, as well as after we were first married, I bared my wife’s bottom before spanking it. Initially, as my wife later frankly admitted, one of her tests for marital compatibility was to be firmly but respectfully bared and spanked. In those days, that was fairly easily accomplished since women wore skirts and granny pants.

      After we settled into the routine of married life in our own house, my wife started taking off all of her clothes before being spanked. She described it more natural as well as effective.

      6. About the only time my wife has ever called me “Sir” has been in the middle of a paddling. Then, she will sometimes involuntarily grunt, “Y-e-e-s, Sir!” as a way of saying she’s learning her lesson. Otherwise, she doesn’t address me with any term of particular reverence. Nor do I expect it.

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    • In rereading my previous post, I realize it contains an error. Defraud in Item 1 should be replaced with the word deceive.

      It might also be worth mentioning the spanking of young women was so prevalent when my wife and I were dating that she told her mother that I had spanked her. For my wife, it was actually more important than our first kiss. Later, I found out my mother-in-law didn’t so much object to my spanking her daughter, she’d done it a few times herself, so much as she wished I had waited until after we married!

      Although her mother knew perfectly well where we were headed, neither my wife nor I fully appreciated how my spanking her put us on the fast track to marriage. On the other hand, despite her good girl reputation, we both knew there were times when she still needed some old-fashioned skirt up and her panties down over the knee disciplining. Now, she’d found a boyfriend willing to do it without going any further. All the while, behind the scenes, nature was pulling the strings.

      According to my wife, having me pull her panties down was less embarrassing than having to do it in front of her father. Being spanked over my lap made her feel more like a woman taking responsibility for her behavior than a teenager having to be punished for being a bad girl. Little did I realize at the time that, despite my wife’s strong-willed disposition, I was her father as the authority figure in her life before we married.

      Prior the the Sexual Revolution, marital spankings served two primary purposes. One was know as bride training. Sometimes this was euphemistically referred to as picking up where her father left off. Essentially, that’s what I’d done while we were dating. The other, as we would later discover, was as socially tolerated alternative to disaffected marriages and subsequent divorce prior the the 1970s.

      I’ve shared the above to make one significant point. While spanking alone will not save a relationship, it can bring a couple closer together. In our case, the wedding ceremony was almost anticlimactic. Figuratively speaking, I branded my wife on her backside even before we became engaged!

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    • Mrs. B, I really appreciate your letter. I know it’s been a while since your comment. I hope you have both grown in learning about discipline, and that you have benefited from spanking. It’s okay if you don’t have every answer going into discipline, as there will be a learning curve. Besides, some questions have no exact answer, and your husband will just find what works for him, and see how you respond.

      It is natural for a woman to feel more at peace and more submissive after a spanking. Of course your husband should aim to have you in the mindset more than once in a while. But if things are out of place, it is often a spanking that restores the order and peace. I know my wife tends to have a quieter soul after I’ve given her a sound spanking.

      One thing for the husband, is that he should make sure you submit to him regularly, and are under his oversight. It helps to have responsibilities for you to do, and check to make sure you have done them. He can make sure you need to get his permission for a variety of things as well. One thing that does is make sure she is aware of my leadership all the time, and is regularly checking with me as the authority. She knows she needs permission for a number of things, so she speaks from a submissive position often, asking “may I” to her husband. I also keep her soft to me by giving her brief, or sometimes serious, verbal correction if I see her attitude slip. She gets little warnings if she disregards something in the home. or is not speaking to me with respect. She also knows her dress needs to be up to my standards, which by now she knows, but occasionally misses with.

      I discipline my wife for disrespect or disobedience. She also gets spanked for being irresponsible, if it is a serious offence or is repeated. Some people make longer lists of things, but I find that it’s easier to keep it simple, as that short list actually covers quite a lot. She found some of the spankings surprising when we first got married, but after not too long she learned what gets her in trouble, and usually knows when she has one coming.

      Is a wife baring her bottom an act of consent? In a sense it is. But much more it is an act of participation, and more fully consenting with her body and her spirit. My wife knows that before a spankings she goes to the place I usually deliver discipline, undresses from the waist down (or completely), and kneels there waiting for me. My wife may also bring me the instrument of punishment as a form of participation. I often have her hold the instrument as I lecture her before or after her spanking. She may have to do corner time holding the instrument. These all help in submission, and in fully embracing her discipline.

      I will have her call me “sir” during discipline or if I am verbally correcting her. At other times I do not. I recommend using a term like that, but not everyone does it. Naturally, in keeping a wife submissive, it helps to show strength and mastery of her in bed. This has been talked about elsewhere. A husband can keep his wife soft to him by showing complete command in bed, and also keeping her on her knees, pleasing her husband giving head. When I tell my wife — get on your knees — she has no hesitation in doing so.

      These are just some ways he could work on keeping you submissive, and some tips in giving a spanking. There is obviously more though, and I find that once couples get started, they learn a lot on their own. I hope it works for you both.

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  13. I agree with the above comment. I first spanked my girlfriend at school age. Always over her panties, but then one day asked if I could spank her bare bottom to which she agreed. After that all spankings were over panties and then I lowered them to give her a bare bottomed spanking. Because we were not married we only saw each other at weekends as we went to different schools several miles away, but at weekends she would tell me she had been a naughty girl. She lived with her grandparents as her own mum and dad had died, somI was that sort of father figure who took responsibility for spanking her. It was always me who bared her bottom, only me who controlled the spanking and always my hand. She told me several years later that she liked me to take her panties down as she felt that I was in control and not her in having to bare her bottom. I remember once that she stood in front of me and lowered her panties and although she did end up being spanked, that was not the prime reason for lowering them herself as she wanted to tease me. Spanking her at that young age (15) was the start of a lovely relationship of baring her bottom and spanking her. We have used other implements but we always return to using my hand, as she says it feels more personal and she knows that I can and will give her a red bare bottom that will last at least a day, especially when her sit spots are spanked. Over the knee is always the position I use.

    Is that the position that women prefer over any other?

    Do women prefer the hand on their bare bottoms, or do they enjoy other implements?

    I have used the cane, but not all women enjoy that, do women like that

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    • The story of Phil spanking his adolescent girlfriend reenforces something I observed decades ago. When it comes to spanking the fairer sex, timing is often more important than technique. A lot of the time, the success of the man depends more on understanding the woman’s need rather than his possessing any esoteric skill. The reason is there simply those times in a woman’s life when she knows she needs to be spanked.

      Likewise, women sometimes need an authority figure in their lives to “straighten [them] out” as I’ve heard several women express the sentiment. Once again, the solution involves timing. It all boils down to someone being there at the right time and being willing to do what a woman knows needs to be done to her sit-upon.

      In conversations with wives and girlfriends as well as in some instances mothers and daughters, discussion of spanking technique is far less important than whether or not they got the spanking they needed from the person they knew needed to do it when they needed it done. Surprisingly, the chief complaint from those mentioning how they were spanked was they weren’t spanked as firmly as they thought necessary given the circumstances! Of course, as always, there were exceptions.

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  14. My fiance doesn’t really get into any of the d/s relationship it sucks. When I wasnwith my baby father he did a lot of punishing and it made me feel loved and protected. So how do I get my fiance to take a d/s seriously? Should I have him talk to my baby father since they are friends and have him explain how smooth our relationship went when it was filled up rules and punishment? Please any suggestions I will take to heart.

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    • Hi Jennifer, sorry for the late reply. Some men, unfortunately, don’t understand it easily – maybe a talk with the baby father will help, or you could show him some examples. If run out of further ideas, I would bluntly tell him (try formulating your words beforehand, however…)

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    • Here’s the way the game is played. When a woman wants something, she expects the man to know what it is without her telling him. Women want men to solve their problems. Honestly, that’s the way the game has been played for thousands of years.

      This little game of the sexes worked so long as boys and girls talked to each other long before they become men and woman. They have to be involved in and know about each other’s lives long before they hooking up to have sex.

      Part of the traditional arrangement included preteen boys (little brothers) finding out teenage girls (big sisters) still got spanked by their parents. Boys might hear their sisters beg, plead, or promise to be good before submitted to a spanking. Then, after a good cry over the parent’s knee, the would see even bossy big sisters did what their parents said and were a whole lot easier to live with.

      For the most part these days, boys never seen a girl have to bring her mother the hairbrush or be sent to cut a switch. They never hear, much less seen, a teenage sister literally getting the big girl spanked out of her. They certainly have no idea that mothers react a lot like a little girl when they get their bare bottom spanked with a hairbrush. Nor do they know that, just like little girls, a spanked woman does exactly what her “Daddy” tells her to do afterwards.

      Unlike when my wife and I were growing up, boys these days aren’t exposed to scenes on primetime television or in mainstream movies of badly behaved women getting straightened out over a man’s knee. They’re never realized that there were once no great howls of protest from women in the audience viewing these scenes.

      Instead, boys are fed a steady visual diet of men having or wanting to have sex with women. At the same time, in their relationships with women, men on television and in the movies are often portrayed either evil or weak. One recurrent message is only bad men hit women. At the same time, women often tell men what to do. Now, while this form of entertainment may attract women viewer to whom advertisers can sell whatever, it does nothing to tell men how to handle a difficult woman in real life.

      As a result, it is not uncommon for a real life woman these days to have to tell her lover that it’s okay to give her bare ass a good hard slap once in a while. It’s good for the woman. It’s good for the man. It’s good for her relationship with the man.

      A woman these days may also have to tell a man that there are times when her bottom needs more than one good smack. She needs a whole bunch of smacks, on after the other so she can feel better afterwards and be more pleasant to be round afterwards.

      Only a woman can’t just tell a man about these things using girl terms. For example, the word “punishing” is girl-talk. Typically, if a girl says, “Mom punished me,” she doesn’t mean her mom grounded her. It usually translates into something like “My mom beat my butt with a ______.” If one mother says it to another, “You need to punish her,” it’s a polite way of saying, “You need to spank your daughter’s bare bottom with hairbrush or belt until she learns to behave herself!”

      Explaining spanking to a man these days is more complicated that just tell him to smack her bottom a few times. Most of the time, she has to go back to the beginning. Now, while he may know this, her probably doesn’t understand it from a girl’s perspective.

      For example, despite what “experts” claim, girls still get spanked after they start wearing bras and having their periods. Not only that, unlike boys, girls don’t get to old for to spank. That means mothers was well as daughters can be spanked.

      Men needs to understand that women don’t resent being spanked. In fact, as suggested by the first clip above, women are built physically and psychologically to relish a good “ass whipping” every now and then. Also, as the previous sentences suggests, don’t be afraid to “talk dirty” to your boyfriend about spanking.

      More importantly your boyfriend needs to know what his spanking you will do for HIM. One code word women use in describing what spanking does to them is “submissive.” However, inexperienced men often don’t understand what that word means to a woman. Again, this means you have to get specific. For example, you might tell your boyfriend that spanking you is his short-cut to a “blow job.”

      Quite likely, based on what you’ve written, you’re a high dominance woman. That often means you become bitchy if you’re not spanked on a regular basis. Because you need rules, you might also be high maintenance. It may also be a sign of immaturity. In other words, you may need to be treated more like a teenage daughter than a wife. If this is the case, admit it.

      Be aware, there are also dangers in having an ex talk to the current boyfriend. One is the ex may reveal other things you really don’t want him to know. Also, in the end, whatever problems you are having with your current boyfriend will ultimately have to be worked out between the two of you. Otherwise, your current relationship will wind up like your previous relationship.

      Adding a third person to an already troubled two-person relationship can really complicate things. Among other things, it can create a love triangle that not only turns two former friends into enemies, but also leaves you with neither of them.

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      • Experienced Husband:

        Thank you for sharing. I can’t say I agree with everything you say but, overall, your comments really hit home with me. It makes me feel less like there is something “wrong” with me. A lot of the things you say are exactly the way I feel. I’m youngish (35) and still single. One of my challenges in finding the right man to spend my life with is that I CAN’T be in a longterm, stable relationship with a man who won’t spank me and/or whom I can’t trust and respect enough to let him. Most men really don’t get it. I’ve had so many bad experiences with requesting this and winding up with either being hit just a couple of times but ridiculously hard or in a dangerous spot, or just a wimpy, quick little series of love pats. It seems they also think that one hard swat that “leaves a handprint” is a big deal. They don’t get the psychological or emotional aspect at all.

        If I man I feel genuine affection for and respect spanks me thoroughly, I think practically every pleasure center in my brain lights up. It turns me on sexually, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy like I’m safe and loved, I become very passive and I want to either cuddle him, give him a blowjob, make out and have sex, or some combination of the above. All said and done, I feel appreciative that he cares enough to do it. I find myself actually pushing buttons, subconsciously even, to test a man and see if he will punish me. If he doesn’t, I lose interest. This is like something hardwired in my brain. I wish I could switch it off to be honest. Men I’ve met are either too uncomfortable taking the lead, or not worthy of the privilege. It would be easier to be happy with a partner if I didn’t want this type of relationship. ::sigh::

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      • Forget blaming yourself, spankmevb. Like many people your age, you grew up in an abnormal era when compared to previous generations.

        A little over a decade before you were born, society underwent a dramatic transformation that was at odds with both human history and thousands of years of evolution. The results have left many people born in the late 20th century feeling out of place.

        The “something hardwired in [your] brain” is most probably quite literally there. So is your “subconsciously…test[ing] a man.” Along with “pushing buttons” and the Goldilocks syndrome of not too hard or not too soft, but just right, these are classic female characteristics more easily recognized by anyone coming of age before the 1970s as perfectly normal in a healthy woman.

        The reason your “brain lights up” and you become “turned on…sexually” can be explained by the word reproduction. Whether or not spanking leads to conception is irrelevant. Being thoroughly seductive, nature is trying to create new life by any means necessary.

        Nature puts men and women together and, as the old song goes, they start “doin’ what comes natur’lly.” Put another way, one thing leads to another. After sometimes awkward preliminaries, spanking is one of those things that comes naturally.

        At the same time, spanking promotes stability through love and respect. A woman will respect a man for spanking her when she requires it. While she may not love him as a result, she will respect him for putting her over his knee when she knows it needs to be done. The love part comes in when she is attracted to him before he does it.

        Conversely, women are biologically programmed to “lose interest” in weak and timid men because these attributes do little to promote human survival. Along with a woman’s initial haughtiness towards a man, the basic test for a woman is predicated on a belief that the man caring enough to tame her also cares enough to protect her.

        Only a few generations ago, getting spanked signaled a man’s commitment. Quite often, if a young man really spanked a young woman’s her bare bottom when she needed it, led to marriage. Unfortunately, that level of concern is equated with abuse these days.

        Traditionally, women expected men to know what to do. This worked back when part of learning about the birds and the bees, as sex education used to be known, included discovering that sometimes a badly behaved grown women got her bare bottom spanked with a man’s hand or sometimes even with his belt. It was probably the biggest open secret on the planet before the 1970s. That is no longer the case.

        Even though I grew up in an era when spanking was perfectly acceptable, most of what I learned about spanking came from women. Much the same is true today. Only women have to tell men more than was the case a few generations ago.

        Another problem is that men aren’t really as in touch with a woman’s disciplinary requirements as they once were. Most men no longer grow up with sisters. As a result, they’ve never heard, much less seen, a big girl getting spanked with her mother’s hairbrush. They have no idea how hard a woman can be, or should be, hit where she sits down. More importantly, men these days don’t appreciate the fact that sometimes a woman’s brain just needs a good cleaning out so she can feel better about herself and the world around her.

        Instead, they’ve learned pick-up lines. They’ve been trained how to get between a woman’s legs rather than how to establish as long-term relationship. Consequently, a woman in today’s dating environment has the added responsibility of bringing a man up to speed.

        While this can be a precarious arrangement, it can be done. Nor, is it anything new. As I suggested above, women have always been teaching men how to handle them. The biggest problem today is men are no longer listening.

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      • hm, I think it’s not men’s sole responsibility for this – our culture inhibits “manly” behavior, and does so at an increasing speed. As a woman I understand the goal of feminism to some point, but today it’s no longer just equality…

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      • If you have not already done so, might I suggest becoming acquainted with primary source late 19th and 20th century feminist literature. These original writings might prove to be a real eye-opener, perhaps even a shock.

        Equality was the selling point. in may cases, neutering was feminism’s intent.

        There is a reason why misandry’s entry into the English language coincided with the rise of feminist ideology.

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      • Experienced Husband:

        I’m trying to get some clarity on a few of your points… I’m curious as to why you feel boys cannot / should not be spanked after a certain age but girls should? Why do you think this is effective for girls and not boys? Certainly boys continue misbehaving through at LEAST their college days. Do you believe corporal punishment doesn’t work once there’s a certain amount of testosterone coursing through the veins? Or is it that it’s more difficult to physically overpower boys and force them to take a spanking? Please explain!

        You keep mentioning feminism as a sort of loathful thing. While I agree that some have used it to launch an attack on men, feminism was not started that way and there are many folks who identify as feminists (myself included) who don’t demonize men or manliness. I feel like you are using feminism in place of misandry. Feminism at its core is about women having equal rights under the law, equal pay for equal work, etc. While letting my man be in charge is my personal preference, I believe strongly that it should be a choice. I know plenty of women who wouldn’t be happy with that and plenty of submissive men who do not want any power in their romantic relationships. I want them to have their choice while I am also free to make my choice. I resent being taught throughout my childhood that I am *supposed* to be independent, strong, and just as tough as a man. I’m not as tough as a man and I don’t WANT to be independent. I have a very high intelligence quotient and I’ve accomplished plenty on my own. I have a dominant personality that I present to the world and I am physically tough as well. Still, I desire a man who is intelligent (I dream of one intellectually superior to me, but I know that’s unrealistic), kind, honest, responsible, physically more powerful than I am, and completely in charge. I want him to want to be in control and to want to take care of me. To me, this feels natural. It doesn’t feel natural to everyone though. There are other women who desire a man to treat them as an equal in every aspect. There are women who wish to be in control in the bedroom. There are women who don’t want to be committed to a man at all and they should not be punished with a life of low wages and misery for their choice to stay single. Feminism isn’t about insisting there are no differences between men and women or that men are bad. Feminism is about allowing us all to have the same rights and privileges, including the choice to be in the kind of relationship we want, or no relationship at all.

        All of that said, I just wish we could be more open with our desires and not looked down upon for wanting that M/f relationship. The popularity of misandry has certainly made it difficult for dominant men, or women who don’t WANT to be in control, to express and act on their desires.

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      • Answer to the first question.

        Before puberty, boys and girls tend to be more alike than they are different. Then, along comes puberty. With the onset of this change of life cycle in boys, their bodies begin producing testosterone. With this hormone comes a changes in behavior and physical attributes.

        Among them is usually increased physical strength and aggressiveness. Those behavioral and physical changes come an increased tendency to treat spanking as an attack. Increased muscle mass, combined with more fight than flight inclinations tend to complicate the disciplining of teenage sons. As a result, parents, and mothers in particular, traditionally resorted to alternative means of disciplining older boys.

        For what it’s worth, the same characteristics that make teenage sons difficult for their parents to control also make them good candidates for military recruitment. That’s one reason why some parents, especially among the more affluent, traditionally sent their sons to private military schools rather than trying to raise them at home.

        Problems arise because consistent use of spanking tends to produce more inconsistent results in teenage males than it does in their female peers. This, in turn, further complicated an already difficult time for most parents.

        This isn’t to say teenage boys can’t be spanked. It fact they were and still are in some cases. However, the occurrences tend to be more episodic rather than serving as a practical guide for disciplining teenage sons.

        On the other hand, spanking tends to remain effective with girls because estrogen doesn’t produce any significant changes in how teenage girls responded to being disciplined over the parental knee. While teenage daughters still dread it, they nonetheless are more likely than their male peers to submit to it and learn the desired lesson from it.

        Although this fact of life created a double standard resulting in older daughters being spanked far more often and at a later age than sons, it was once so well understood a few generations ago the parents continued to legally spank their daughters until the approximate age when most young women married. As a result, especially when large numbers of young women married right after high school in the late 1950s, these girls sometimes moved from being spanked by their parents to being spanked by their husbands.

        By the way, even when my wife and I began dating in the 1960s, spanking a young woman wasn’t nearly as complicated as it is these days. One big reason, of course, is young women were already well acquainted with the customary disciplinary drill of the day.

        On a more practical level, most young women still wore skirts and grannie panties. Once a young woman was over the lap, execution was simply a matter of lifting the hem of her skirt, exposing the necessary area by sliding her panties down, and then spanking it. Because this could be so easily done, disciplinary spankings of young women by mothers, fathers, boyfriends, or husbands were far more common than is the case today.

        These days, the female disciplinary continuum from preteen, to teen, to woman is more difficult to appreciate because society, and in particular the internet, have largely compartmentalized spanking. While preteen girls may be spanked, so the popular consensus goes, teenage girls should never be spanked.

        Then, if a grown woman is spanked, it is classified as either erotic or abusive. Beyond domestic discipline groups, there isn’t much middle ground. Ignored is the fact that age is not a significant factor in determining the effectiveness of an age appropriate spanking at any stage in a female’s life.

        While it is certainly true that boys get into more trouble on college campuses that do girls, this is nothing new. Young men today would be put in jail for some of the hijinks their great grandfathers perpetrated as undergraduates. Traditionally, unless there was extensive damage, culprits were generally expected to clean up their mess, offer an apology, or otherwise make amends. It was all part of growing up and learning to take responsibility for one’s actions.

        It is probably worth remembering that, on many campuses, fraternities were not above administering peer justice with a paddle if they wished to stay in the good graces of the college administration. Back then, because paddling was also frequently part of the initiation ritual, appropriate disciplining was to be expected.

        Alternatively, there was also expulsion. Sometimes, an enterprising dean of students or dean of men would round up the usual troublemakers on campus and, if no one confessed, call the parents of one of the suspects to tell them to come pick up their son. Of course, colleges these days can’t get away with summary dismissals without risking a lawsuit.

        Instead, many colleges have campus police. Since FERPA forbids schools from contacting parents, administrators empower police to treat pranks as crimes. Acquiring a criminal record while in college is one of the downsides of to treating 18-year-olds as adults.

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      • Answer to the second question.

        Like a lot of things, feminism has a public face as well as a private face. During the past century, feminism has also acquired a history.

        Few people realize it these days, but late 19th and early 20th century feminism was as racist as was the patriarchy it despised. Yet, oddly enough, the origins of feminism can be traced back to the abolitionist movement.

        Before World War I, women’s liberation sought property and voting rights. In the background, the movement also wanted ease of divorce, access to education and the abolishment of alcohol. After World War II, it demanded absolute equality for women in all areas of society. This included the supposed right to never be spanked no matter what!

        While feminism has sought to portray itself as an enabler of women, it is also a victimization philosophy. Women are portrayed as perpetually portrayed as victims. Inevitably, men are the perpetrators. This duality leads on an intriguing, if not totally amusing, conundrum with feminists proclaiming that women can be the equal of any man so long as they are protected from men!

        Neither does feminism have a history of celebrating diversity among women. In reality, it is very much a lockstep movement.

        A classic example is a madam running a highly profitable brothel hiring voluntary sex workers! Even though this lifestyle facilitates accomplishing virtually everything the feminist movement claims to champion, a madam isn’t likely to be welcomed with open arms at the next convention of feminists.

        Instead, feminism seems to relish the notion of protecting the illusion of an idealized womanhood rather than dealing with the realities of life. Feminists have a history of relegating noncompetitive women as being something less than a credit to their gender. Unless a woman is assaulting some male bastion, she simply isn’t considered to be part of the sisterhood.

        More troubling is feminism’s selection of certain sacred cows while sacrificing all others. Here, a classic example is women’s reproductive rights. Currently, this issue seems to trump other considerations. Thus, so long as a woman is pro-choice, it matters little whether she has ties to a political front seeking to eliminate pension plans for schoolteachers (most of whom are women) or sits on the governing board of a corporation employing sweatshop garment workers (virtually all of whom are women).

        Nor does feminism seem to know what to do with strong women in traditional roles. Two good examples are my wife and late mother-in-law. Although both graduated from universities, they also went on to become wives and mothers. Both pursued professional careers outside the home. Yet, both agreed there were times when a husband should be permitted to discreetly and appropriately take business side a hairbrush to his problematic wife’s backside without fear of outside interference.

        For both my wife and her mother, life was a balancing act. Outside the home, they were independent and successful. Nevertheless, both were submissive to their husbands at home. As a result, both women remained married to their first husbands. At the same time, like the madam running a brothel, neither my wife nor her mother would be considered an ideal feminist role model.

        Perhaps the most insidious thing feminism has done is to attack traditional male institutions without offering a specific and workable alternative to the ensuing chaos it created. For example, the case against marriage closely parallels the opposition to spanking.

        Close examination of the feminist-inspired anti-spanking agenda reveals the alternative to spanking is largely limited to don’t spank! Do anything else, but don’t spank. This approach has become such a joke that yelling and calling the police have replaced spanking as a primary disciplinary tool used by parents with rebellious teenage daughters.

        By the same token, the alternative to marriage is don’t marry. Live together. Even have children together, or with someone else. Behave like husband and wife together. Just don’t get married.

        Perhaps the fatal flaw in feminism came in creation of the superwomen myth. The results of trying to convince women they can have it all has been disastrous. In requiring women to behave more like men, it defeminized a lot of women. Results have included increased heart attacks and depression in women. This mythology also produced a generation of disillusioned and disaffected children.

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      • When coupled with observations of what is going on in society, the comment about “a bigger cultural shift” brings up an interesting question. Have laws and social expectations gotten out of touch with biology?

        Legally and socially, of course, women are increasingly treated like men. More women than men are getting college educations. Women are marrying at a later age than ever before. This trend is increasing.

        Biologically, girls are going through puberty at a younger age than their maternal ancestors. This trend has been on a downward slope since the middle of the 19th century. As a result, there is a bigger gap between when girl first become interested in sex and when they are willing to consider making a commitment.

        At the same time, men have become increasingly neutered. They are portrayed as bumbling idiots in television commercials. Male movie starts are no longer the men they once were. Except in reruns, long gone are the days when John Wayne put Maureen O’Hare over his knee for an old-fashioned straightening out in front of men, women, and children. Spanking in real life has become even a bigger no-no.

        Nevertheless, despite the achievements, women still have many of the same expectations of men as their grandmothers. There’s just no one there to they talk to about it on an intimate level. Instead, women are told to rely on advice offered by experts or paid professionals.

        Few, if any, young women these days would dare admit to their mother, or anyone else for that matter, that they had been spanked by a boyfriend. Yet, that’s what my wife did when we were dating. According to my wife, the result was an informative mother-daughter talk about what would later be known as domestic discipline.

        The problem of no feminine role models these days in the same as it is for failed marriages. It all goes back to an inability or unwillingness to communication. This has to start at home long before a girl is anywhere old enough to date.

        Among my base contentions is that if a mother and her daughter can have open and honest discussions about why even big girls sometimes still need to have their bare bottoms spanked, they can talk about anything else.

        Then, once that barrier is broken, it paves the road to having a discussion with the daughter’s future husband about any number of other issues that are likely to affect their relationship. Among them may very well be the possibility of spanking.

        As discussions over the past quarter century on the web clearly reveal, more than a few women still expect men to exert some degree of control over their lives. A few years ago, the webmaster of a domestic discipline site said personal information surveys revealed that only about half of women contributors had been spanked in childhood.

        If the webmaster’s information is correct, then clearly efforts to eradicate spanking have not worked. Most certainly, large numbers of people are consistently following the drumbeat of advice offered by experts.

        All of the foregoing suggests that, underneath the cultural shift, biological forces are still at work in the lives of many women. It just seems that nature is often at odds with nurture these days.

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      • Explaining the role of spanking is a successful relationship is easy. It involves giving a woman what she needs, when she needs it, whether she wants it or not. Usually, this proves to be more art than science.

        In reality, even in the post-World War II period when men could still semi-legally blisters their wives’ behinds and no one called the cops, spanking usually only plays a minor role in successful relationships. Of far more importance was a general awareness that, given the right set of circumstances, it would likely happen.

        Then, as now, there was much more talk about spanking than actually doing it. Even portrayals on television and in the movies of the period showed it only occurring when a woman became exceptionally difficult or far exceeded the bounds of expected feminine behavior.

        More difficult is achieving a successful relationship. That’s the article e-mailed to you.

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    • the first time I spanked my first wife was because she slapped my face
      and accused me of having an affair with her girlfriend, who was also a
      good friend of mine. I told it was nonsense and warned her not to slap
      me again. When she did just that, I took her over my knees and bared
      her bottom for a good, hard spanking. During the spanking she made a
      lot of fuss and cried, but after the spanking we got together and she sobbed
      in my arms and apologized, because now she knew that I was not having
      an affair – if I had I would not have spanked her, and she knew that. The
      spanking had a good effect, and it was not her last spanking.
      – I think most men would react like me in that situation, so that’s my
      advice for you if you want more action from your husband.

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  15. Once a man feels a woman submitting to the hairbrush or doubled leather belt in his hand as it forcefully connects with her bare bottom for about the sixth time, and realizes that he doesn’t have to put up with a conniving femme fatale or an ill-tempered termagant, he isn’t likely to return to his formerly timid or submissive ways. Witnessing a haughty woman losing her composure over his lap can be thoroughly empowering.

    At the same time, the woman being disciplined is undergoing an equally transformative experience as she feels the man take control of her mind by applying genuine pain to her bottom. While she may not love the man at that particular moment, she most certainly learning to respect his natural authority over her as the pain and embarrassment take their toll on her vane notions of superiority.

    The moment that both the man and the woman realize that the man controls the woman over his lap can go along way towards preserving their relationship. For while a woman can easily fall out of love with a weak man, the same woman with a richly deserved sore bottom does not so easily stop respecting him.

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  16. I find that even finding a man receptive to the *idea* of TIH generally doesn’t mean you can actually teach him the process. First, I resent having to teach him. It frustrates me to no end that he doesn’t just know… Then, no matter how hard I try to get through, he won’t do ENOUGH. The spanking is brief and/or wimpy. They’re either too lazy to do more or too afraid of “hurting” me. Trying to explain it I think makes me sound crazy 😦

    I’m drawn back to this site because I’ve recently met a man I think might be a good fit. He’s kind, has a good head on his shoulders, strong, makes me laugh, and seems to really care. He’s open, but doesn’t understand my need for DD. My discomfort in trying to explain it confuses him because I’m very confident and straight forward in most respects. This topic though makes me bashful and it’s hard to even explain to myself what I want and why, much less explain to someone who never thought about it before they met me…

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      • The one I thought might be right turned out to be just another manchild anyway. I think I might be misinterpreting self-centered ness for dominance. I wish it didn’t take so much time to figure out things like this 😦

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      • Among the biggest mistakes either a man or woman can make in a relationship is expecting spanking to hold a relationship together. This can be like trying to make a jellyfish the centerpiece in a table setting. Obviously, not only is the creature out of place, its presence within the environment is likely to cause other problems.

        Instead, disciplinary spanking works best as a problem solving mechanism. In many ways, it is like a specialized tool in a workshop. It may sit there for days, even weeks or months, and even years, and never be used. Then, along comes a project for which no other tool quite works as well.

        By nature, some women require being spanked more often than others. Some even desire it. Nevertheless, in most marriages, its use is best reserved for resolving thorny, sometimes otherwise unresolvable, issues that threaten the stability of the relationship.

        A more mature woman is better off finding someone interested in HER, for who she is, rather than seeking out a disciplinarian. On the other hand, as was the case with my then still teenaged future wife, there are times when seeking out a boyfriend to also serve as her disciplinarian can be appropriate. Much of this has to do with time and place.

        When my wife and I began dating, she knew she still needed to be put over a man’s knee and spanked as if she was his daughter. She was also aware that she would require being spanked even after she married.

        It is also worth remembering that my wife and I began dating at in an era when young women could still be legally spanked by their parents until their 21st birthday. It was also at a time when the spanking of young women was still widely accepted. My wife’s father firmly believed in it! Nor was he alone in that belief.

        To a large extent, those days have passed. On average, today’s young woman marriage when she’s a decade older than her grandmother. In fact, women are marrying at a later age than at any other time in at least a century. Not only that, but the husbands they choose tend to be closer to their own age than any other time since demographic record keeping began. This presents a new set of challenges for couples.

        While I cannot speak from firsthand experience or any inside knowledge, I can see where dating sites might attract desperate people having difficulty establishing relationships with co-workers or people they otherwise encounter in their daily lives.

        It would not surprise me in the least to discover that, while there are most probably a number of exceptions, many men on these sites have a history of failed relationships and romances. It might not even be an exaggeration to suggest some might even be classified as misogynous predators.

        As with resolving other difficulties in life, if one search pattern is yielding nothing beneficial, it may be time to try something else.

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    • I understand your frustration. It takes time for a man to learn, and not all men find spanking an attractive idea. One thing to help is offer him some good material on the subject, and explain your desire for it. Also give it time, as his learning process naturally will involve some mistakes and adjustments.

      It is true that a spanking that is too short or too light will rarely get the job one, and one that is too severe might not bear the necessary fruit either. I’d say the only spankings I’ve given that I regretted were the ones which were not thorough enough. Now, my wife knows when she has to go over my knee she will get a long hard spanking and a stern lecture about her behavior. I will push her past tears, but will not do anything to injure her, besides leaving her burning hot in the moment, and sore sitting down for at least the next day. There is a certain trust that develops over time too, as she knows I am in control, and not out of control, and knows much what to expect.

      A man has to learn to use his strength. That’s true in this and other arenas. He has to apply strength where it’s needed and when. Naturally, if a man fails at this, it’s usually either by being too aggressive, or by being afraid to use strength fully. The balance comes best when he is comfortable using that strength, as well as understanding about the woman he is leading and shaping. Then he can use strength like an art form. But it takes time.

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  19. Has any one explored, or know of any one who has investigated,, the conjecture that Feminism is mostly about freeing women from the rule of men, so that they may be ruled – and far more harshly – by other women? Just as Communism killed more workers and peasants than Tsarism ever did, we see Feminism making women alot more unhappy than there were in allegedly patriarchal times.

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    • While I do not claim to be aware of the full panoply of published academic inquiry, the theory of female-female subjugation sounds like a fascinating topic for a dissertation.

      In a parallel observation, I have argued that feminism opened the door to the exploitation of women by corporations. This became of particular concern with the rise of single parenting. This, in turn, has also led to some debilitating economic and social phenomenon.

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  20. Ok so I stumbled on this site by sure accident…also i find Experienced Husband to be pretty darn knowledgeable on the subject as a whole. I agree he would make a great guest on this site.
     
    I guess I’m in need of advice..enlightenment or something….a little background of me…

    I am 40 something. I have been married to the same man for 20 years. He is a great man and I truly love him. Our kids are grown and out of the house. Finding ourselves empty nesters we moved to a totally new location. We should be smothered in newness…but some how I have become well…less than content.

    I have always been kinda a brat really. Im one of those that dont take kindly to being told anything. Tell me “to do” whatever….im likely not to do it..and i can find an excuse. Tell me “not to do” whatever and I may or may not depending on my mood. Also, i am very much passive aggressive in nature. I have pretty much always been this way really. But now living in a new location i do not have my support system in place…and my husband is getting tired of my disposition.

    Recently we nearly parted ways which is what i dont…let me say it again…Dont Want! I really want to be better..i dont know how anymore…then again maybe i never did.

    I brought up domestic discipline to him. He didn’t know what it was but after some reading he asked me “if I would consent”. I said “yes”. Believe me when i said yes, i swallowed hard saying it. Now i find myself almost affaid. I have never been submissive to anyone or anything in my life! I dont know if my husband would actually go through with it but i do know that now knowing the possibility is on the table..i am a bit nervous.
    ….if he should ever decide to spank me, he will have to “win” the first time. If he doesn’t i dont know what kind of marriage we will have. I really do love him and i want him to love me as well. I feel like i cant change my thought pattern on my own. His wife is a brat…he is quite aware of that. Have i just challenged him to “do something about it”….i dont know…i guess i have.

    Oh and just a side note..there is nothing sexual about my feelings

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    • Hi, sorry for answering you so late here -just saw this ! You are describing the same feelings as I had – and it’s not about sex, either … in your case, I would try to advance things slowly, and see where it goes… have you read the guide?

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      • Yes have read the guide. Many guides. We discussed for a week…then one day my husband said “the past needed to be in the past…a clean slate”. I agreed…and we picked a date to begin. One of the things we did was we made a short list…i think it ended up being 10… of things that really stuck out over our 20 year marriage that needed to be forgiven and forgotten. Making a short list helps show what after all this time still doesn’t set right with him and i am made aware of it. You know it’s was bothersome to me…i did not know how much my actions had affected him. And please let me say these were not petty arguments, these were actually major hiccups in our relationship.
        The next step we took was to make a short list of rules. There are the basics…no disrespect, no disobedience, no dishonesty but also things he wants done by a certain time and a certain day. Also i have 2 that are really about taking better care of myself like, taking walks and pretting my fingers and toes. He knows i want to do these things but i just wouldn’t take the time.
        So now our lists are done and it’s 2 days from start date. I find myself nervous…i know that in 2 days he is going to spank me. I can tell you there was no excitement on my part..only concern. Will he be able to do this?…will i at the last minute change my mind?….ugh.
        Well this was almost 2 weeks ago. I did not change my mind. I realized that i was more affaid of losing my husband than i ever was of being spanked by my him.
        I will say that my first experience of being spanked by my husband went from “not soo bad” to “sakes he is serious”. I actually ended up being spanked twice. The first was about 10 with his hand. Afterwards he laid with me on our bed and comforted me. He asked me if i was ok and i said “yea im fine”. Well after a few minutes of silence he said “ok get up” rather in a stern voice. We got out of bed, I went to the restroom. When i came out he was standing in our living room a bit perturbed. He takes my arm and says “come on” and leads me back into the bedroom. There laying on our dresser was his belt. I was in shock. My stomach sunk and my heart raced…he was serious. He told me to bend over the bed…which i reluctantly did…scared to death. Btw, i am wearing babydoll pjs…they are thin and i have nothing under them. He pulls down my pj shorts exposing my bare bottom and proceeds to whip me with his belt. After about 30 swats i was in tears…he continued a few more until i was not fighting anymore and sobbing. Afterwards we again laid in bed and he comforted me. He said “that’s better, i know you get the point now”. All i could do was cry. He told me that all was forgiven and that he loved me very much. I told him that i love him to and that i was very sorry for being a brat all these years. He said that from now on that was going to change.
        Well you can say i was baptized in fire. And so begins our dd lifestyle. Thank you for having this site. I really needed an outlet to talk…after all this is all new to me.

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    • Quite possibly I only seem knowledgeable because I am old enough to have grown up at a time when wives and older daughters could still be spanked without someone calling for police intervention. While not necessarily as widespread as some might believe, the practice of over the lap disciplining of a difficult female was so accepted that my wife and I discussed it fairly early in our dating relationship. More specifically, I wanted to know how she felt about being spanked at her age.

      Back then, bringing up the subject of spanking wasn’t nearly as socially awkward as it may seem to those coming of age after the 1970s. Not only could young women be legally spanked by their parents until their 21st birthday, spanking per se was not considered abusive. Neither had it been saddled with the Freudian innuendos that hampers its administration today.

      However, even today, once a couple can look beyond the social taboos and get past any initial awkwardness, spanking becomes surprisingly natural. Properly done, it has a flow and and a rhythm that brings a couple closer together. Although she still dreads it, my wife says she feels cleaner inside after having her bottom paddled.

      Then, that’s the ultimate question women ask themselves. Do I feel better afterwards?

      So long as a woman can answer that question in the affirmative, how her husband spanks her is largely irrelevant. For a woman, what happens in her mind is far more important that what happens to her bottom!

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      • I don’t know what im feeling really. I know that i do not hold any animosity toward my husband. I do have a sense of calmness that i dont remember having before.. or at least not for a long time. I know i want to please him more than it really mattered before…not that it didn’t matter at all, im just more apt to now…or at least so far. On the other hand i am still kinda defiant really. There are things on the rules that i haven’t done…and since he is out of town…he doesn’t know about them. And i do admit that i have been waiting till the last minute to complete some chores…but i have been getting them done not because of fear but because I don’t want to disappoint him. So his opinion does matter more.
        I dont understand how one spanking could begin to change so much. We have been married 20 years and together longer than that….and poof…one spanking sets forth a change…a rewiring of thought? Is it because the first was …well tuff…believe me when i say the sting really didn’t set in until hours later and i ended up sitting lightly for a few days.
        Is this just the natural progression?

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      • Apparently your husband gave you exactly what you needed. He made you submissive without breaking your spirit.

        First spankings change the dynamics of relationships. Usually, it’s for the better. The wife becomes calmer. She respects her husband more. There is a realization that domestic tranquility is attainable.

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  22. I am in my forties and my parents were born in the thirties. Both are still living and my father has been a preacher for many many years. If he ever spanked my mother I am not aware, but I am aware that my mother is always respectful to him and is a “well behaved” wife. At times when it seemed she was getting a little off track, dad would give her this look. Sometimes she would apologize and other times she just straightened right up. I wouldn’t be surprised if spanking wasn’t part of their relationship. I grew up being spanked by my father and well remember my last spanking from him. I was 16 and dad worked 2nd shift at a job only 10 minutes from home. My curfew was to be home and in bed before he pulled in the driveway. One night I pulled into the driveway at the same time he did. I was hurrying to get inside as he made usual small talk like “well hello daughter, how was your evening?” I gave a short answer and rushed inside. It was summer and I had a severe sunburn and so when I got to my room thinking I had escaped being disciplined I removed all my clothes and wrapped up in my sheet because it felt good on the sunburn. Shortly thereafter, my door opened, the sheet was ripped away, and dad’s belt fell sharply on my bare bottom several times. I cried and he said “you missed your curfew.” I never missed curfew again. As a child, I remember getting in trouble and being called to stand in front of him to accept my spankings. Yet, I never felt abused, but rather I felt loved, protected, and well taken care of. Fast forward, I spent 20 years married to a man who absolutely made me insane. He was in charge of nothing and could make no decisions on his own. A full out mommy’s boy. Before being married to him I was a very quiet and respectful person, some say I was shy, but I will call it reserved and well mannered. Being married to the wuss of all wusses made me angry to the point of losing my temper, stressed all the time, and disgusted by his advances and disrespectful to him in all manners. I recall telling him time and time again “I am the woman and you act like you are the woman.” Needless to say, I divorced him. My kids are grown and I am now married to a very strong man who makes decisions and let’s me know when I have disappointed him or shown disrespect and in many aspects, he is a reflection of my father, except for the preacher part. I no longer lose my temper and I once again, I feel protected and safe and loved. I have the deepest desire to please this man who puts me first and never allows anyone to disrespect me like my first husband did. We had a moment not too long ago where I kind of got a little snarky with him about something and he took me by the arm, placed me over his knee, lowered my pants and gave me a few good smacks on my bottom. He kind of joked about it because I think he wasn’t sure of what my reaction would be. I didn’t say anything to him because I didn’t want to seem crazy, but it totally calmed my mood and I fell in love with him all over again, I spent the next couple of hours cuddled up to him on the sofa watching tv but all I could think about was how much I deeply love this man. I believe it was the spanking I had just received. Since then, I have done a lot of reading to figure out what is wrong with me, and concluded there is nothing wrong with me. So I wrote him a long letter for discussion about domestic discipline and how much I really think I need this and how much better I felt after he spanked me. We have discussed it and he is totally open to it, but fears I will resent him for it or that people will think he is abusive to me. I have explained to him that I desire it and he has spanked me a few times since, but I don’t feel it is consistent. We don’t have any rules per se, I just kind of learn by listening to him and observing him in our daily life. However, I do feel the need for him to tell me his expectations. I don’t know if he fully understands my need to be led by him and disciplined when I get off track. He seems so much more decisive and organized than I am. I spent so many years feeling lost and without purpose or direction and having his strength in my life is like heaven to me now. Sorry for the long story, but how do I get our relationship to a more satisfying level? My parents are still living and have been married for over 60 years now and I’m sure that because dad believes in the man being the head of the woman has a lot to do with their satisfying and happy marriage. I want my husband to feel comfortable that I want this and safe in making it part of our life all the time. I just don’t know how to do that with the stigma surrounding such a marriage these days. :/

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      • Thank you Constance for replying. I guess I never considered maintenance spanking, although I would accept and respect that completely if he were to do it, but I really feel the need for him to spank me more consistently in response to my behaviors or attitudes that come up from time to time. I have this feeling it would totally deepen my love and submission to him and would help me reach goals I would like to meet and be the best wife for him. I believe it would even help me meet any goals he wants to set for me.

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      • Until recently, maintenance spankings might be known as “need” spankings. Usually they were administered before a young woman’s behavior reached some intolerable point. The concept of “you need a spanking” easily transferred into marriage.

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      • I’m not even sure these things had a name. I chose the name “need” because that word often seemed to appear the context of giving them. Examples of expressions used in the day include, “She needs a good spanking,” and “Young Lady, you need your backside spanked.”

        I might have called them “because Mother said so” spankings because that’s quite often why they happened. This authority transferred to the husband after the couple married.

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    • After i had finally brought this up to my husband, i tried and tried to find a blog or website that wasnt trashy along witb a husband’s point of view. I feel quite comfortable here…thank you Constance for this blog! Anyway in my seach i did come across a letter written by a huband to other husbands. It is one of the best i have read and i shared it with my own husband. It reads as follows…..

      Quote-

      “Dear Head of the House,

      Your wife has gathered up the courage to ask something of you that you never saw coming. Please understand how vulnerable she is making herself simply by bringing up the subject. She’s hoping you won’t think less of her. And she certainly doesn’t want to be ridiculed.

      She would never have come to you with this if it weren’t for two things. First, she needs you very much. She’s tired of going it alone and trying to live according to a cultural standard that just doesn’t work for her. She picked you for her mate because you have strength that she especially needs. Second, she trusts you. She knows that if you take on this role, it might be painful for her at times, but she knows she’ll be safe in your hands.

      She trusts you. She needs you. What more does a man need to launch him into action? These are the things that touch the core of our souls and inspire us to be and do whatever it takes to fulfill our responsibility.

      Are you man enough?

      I’m not telling you to be bullying or violent. I’m not telling you to motivate her with rage and intimidation. I’m suggesting that you need to lead this relationship. Take the initiative and recognize what the needs of the marriage are. Show some confidence in directing how you and she will live with each other.

      Spanking won’t work for most women, but yours has asked you for it. What are you going to do?

      There are specific reasons why a woman wants/needs her husband to use spanking as a partial means to enforce his leadership.

      She needs to know that you’re strong enough to be the leader. She doesn’t like being in the leader’s position. She’ll do it if it’s needed. In fact, many men have abdicated their role as leaders and have taken on a passive, even disinterested position, waiting for the woman to tell them what to do for the relationship. The woman will step into the empty position that you’re not filling, but unless the husband is incapacitated with illness or injury, she resents it.

      However, giving up the leadership position isn’t always easy. She needs you to demonstrate that you are in charge. For some, a spanking firmly establishes both your roles.

      Women don’t like to be nags. In fact, they really hate it. They hate it so much that they’ll sometimes graduate from nagging to bitchy (sorry ladies). They don’t want to be your momma and they don’t want you to be a little boy. They want a lover and a leader.

      Of course, it can become a habit to nag. Perhaps they were raised with parents where the woman had to nag. If you are head of the household, take initiative in making things right in the house, the home, and the marriage. Part of that role is insisting that you be treated with respect, just as you should treat her with respect. Sometimes that means correcting long term behavior—like nagging. And when it has been mutually agreed on, spanking is used to make that correction.

      Spanking is for discipline. Sometimes it’s for punishment but also for direction. It’s a means of helping the woman do those things that are important for her welfare as well as for the welfare of the home. Some men spank their wives if they don’t take care of themselves though exercise, diet, etc. I sometimes spank my wife if she hasn’t done enough artwork—because that’s something that’s really good for her. I also use spanking if she neglects her daily tasks because it keeps the house, her world, and our lives in order. Spanking keeps the chaos at bay.

      There are things your wife should be doing. You both know it. But she needs your leadership to get her moving. If she has told you spanking helps her do it, then be grateful you have a definite means of action to improve your lives.

      Spanking resets her. Women have to struggle in ways that we can’t imagine when it comes to hormones. The monthly cycle that really isn’t that regular, PMS, pre-menopause, then menopause—I don’t how all that feels but I see that it can drive them crazy. Even after years, we’ll get surprised by the emotional storm that can come from our sweet ladies. Most men adopt a “duck and cover” mode. Some men react meanly with ridicule and reactionary anger. But what they really need is for us to recognize that they are struggling, face their emotional storm calmly without getting offended, and take action.

      In a DD relationship, spanking is used to stabilize the woman during these hormonal storms. Many women have written in their blogs about how much it helps them get through the worst of it. Of course, you have to take an experimental approach. Some things work, some don’t.

      Some people think spanking helps a woman with her depression and there’s some talk out there that research has indicated this to be true. My own wife has suffered from depression and in addition to counseling, getting medication, exercise, and rest, I added spanking. If she didn’t feel like getting up after I told her to, she got a spanking. If she languished on the couch and didn’t do her work because she felt so awful, unless she was really sick, she got a spanking. I once spanked her pretty hard three times in one day (the closest I came to actually bruising her). But I haven’t done it since because she hasn’t been so terribly depressed since then.

      It was a gamble, but it worked.

      Spanking brings conflict to an end and helps you move on. I have a rule for myself. If I’ve spanked my wife for something she did wrong, I can’t bring it up again the next time I’m upset about something—that’s a petty, passive aggressive form of punishment. BTW, when you do something wrong, be the leader, own up to it, and correct it without anyone telling you.

      *****But shouldn’t SHE do these things on her own without my insisting on it? If she loves me why can’t she act like she should on her own?*****

      When she asks for your help by spanking her, she’s done something pretty drastic, don’t you think? She’s telling you that your life together is so important that she’ll take your direction.

      I’m going to go ahead and say it although it sounds terribly chauvinistic: We husbands are supposed to be the leaders. We’re supposed to show some strength and take on this role. I’m not claiming that we’re better—far from it. But we are supposed to do what we were designed to do and that’s to lead the family.

      Spanking your woman, even if she has given overall consent, is not easy. She’s not going to make it easy. She’ll argue, get mad, then be mad afterwards. Don’t expect her to say, “Right honey. I know I deserve this. I appreciate your doing this for me.” But she does. You have to be strong enough to override her resistance. It’s part of earning her respect.

      Spanking is an intimate activity. It’s private. It requires vulnerability. It hurts. It helps. It might lead to sex, but it might not. It requires your wisdom, restraint, and courage. And it’s not for everybody.

      But if your wife has asked for it, you should consider stepping up to do it”

      –End Quote.

      I dont know if this help but i know i sure appreciate this tastefully done letter.

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      • That is an awesome letter and I will be reading it to my husband tonight hopefully! We had planned to sit down and talk last night but a death in the family sidetracked us. We should have some time away from family tonight and if we do, this will be read for sure! Thank you for sharing!

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      • That is a very nice letter!

        I, too, was very comfortable with this site, until I came across all the “FORCE ANAL SEX ON HER!” comments… I wish Constance would just delete those. I won’t direct anyone here due to that BS.

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      • There is definitely a difference between a DD life style and bondage or s/m. While they can be similar DD is not about sex. I think those that add “forcing anal sex on her” are confusing the dynamics. That’s why i said that i had searched and searched for a blog/website that wasn’t trashy. Constance’s blog is about DD. Oh there are some replies that drift toward bondage and s/m but as a whole it’s not geared toward that train of thought.
        I am a semi professional woman, i am comfortable here because of 1) Constance has told some that she thinks they are not on the right blog per their comments and 2) Experienced Husband’s input is down to earth, factual and soothing really. It was his responses to others that helped me through thinking there was something wrong with me. It is also why i had agreed that he would be an excellent guest on this site.
        I thank them both for helping me through getting started per say.
        Anyway, i wouldn’t be afraid to direct anyone here. While there are some questionable posts and/or replies, they seem to be far and few between….you just have to sift through and move on.

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      • Eh, BDSM is a very broad spectrum. Even in a strictly “kinky” relationship, however, anal rape is not a “norm.” It’s also very harmful to the body. While many of us here know the difference and can say “oh, that one’s just a sadistic retard trolling for something to get his jollies,” anyone new to this could easily see the comments and assume it’s something common and/or to be expected in this lifestyle. I saw comments not just from men suggesting the idea but also from women saying “oh yeah, I’m always anally raped as part of punishment…” If I’m sending a partner somewhere to learn about the DD dynamic I’m looking for, that is certainly not something I want being fed to him as acceptable. As long as that is left up on the page, I will be sure to avoid leading any partner of mine to it.

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      • In many ways, the letter is an expanded version of things my wife has said over the decades. Then, most things I learned about spanking the fairer sex I actually leaned from listening to women.

        Put downs (“ridiculed”) will absolutely destroy a woman. When coupled with spanking, ridicule will turn a woman into a prostitute rather than a wife.

        Because of a woman’s vulnerability when she is being spanked, men need to be very careful in their choice of words. It there is one time in a woman’s life when she will absorb everything a man says, it is while she is getting her bare bottom reddened while over his knee!

        Unconsciously, most women chose men they believe can handle them. Despite claims that this is a conscious choice, more than likely it has a visceral component linked to survival of the species.

        The one thing spanking does better just about anything else is get right down to where a woman lives. It strips away a woman’s mystique and reveals who she really is underneath the social facade.

        Perhaps the biggest surprise for was my was discovering that I still loved her even after all of her deeply held secrets were revealed as she confessed them over the years. One episode in particularly memorable.

        It was the weekend we spent virtually the entire time either naked either in bed talking or with my wife over my knee. By the time we were through, her bottom was tender, but her soul had been liberated.

        The source of the difficulty was childhood problem around which my wife and built a fortress-like emotional brick wall. One swat at a time, I quite literally made her disassemble that wall and tell me exactly what she was hiding.

        In the process, I also discovered just how vulnerable spanking makes a woman. Yet, my wife trusted me to do what was best for her and our marriage.

        Trust is a principal component in a woman’s choice of a mate. In fact, one could reasonably argue that a woman’s trust is intertwined with her perception of a man’s strength. Again, for biological reasons linked to survival of the species, women come to loath weak men.

        Consequently, I would suggest that spanking is effective with most women. The problem is less spanking than it is timing.

        There comes a time in every woman’s life when SHE knows she needs her pants pulled down and her bottom soundly spanked. The question becomes is the right man there for the right reason for that time in her life. When the timing is right, a domestic discipline relationship is born.

        My wife said she realized when she was in her teens that, much as she dislike being spanked, she knew she wasn’t going to outgrow needing it. As a result, one of her tests for finding a suitable husband was to have him give her bare bottom a thorough well-deserved thrashing before she would seriously consider marrying him.

        Early in our marriage, I realized that my wife’s need to be spanked often coincided with her monthly cycle. At the same time, she said she really dreaded being spanked on the third day because is really jarred her insides.

        Anger is a woman is part of her testing of a man’s resolve. It is also a necessary component in bundling up all of her frustrations so they can be expelled in a orgy of tears and utterances as her physical and psychological defenses collapse.

        While post-spanking sex is relatively common, often as a consequence of the woman’s total submission to the man’s will, I found my wife was actually horny about 24 hours after a good paddling.

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      • Unlike some women, my wife has a remarkably even disposition. Even her boss at her summer job when we first started dating said he had never seen her get flustered. I took this observation seriously because he was the father of three teenage daughters and a trophy wife!

        Despite my wife’s good girl reputation, she admitted early on in our relationship that there were times when she still needed to be spanked. After we agreed the time had come for me to become her disciplinarian, I remember at least once when I told her to get over my lap while we were dating, she was wearing a Kotex and sanitary belt in addition to a garter belt, stockings, and granny panties.

        It is important to remember that this is before “the pill” became available for teenagers. It was also at a time then a lot of co-eds only used Tampaxes for athletic events or swimming classes in physical education.

        Because my wife was still a virgin when we started dating, I really didn’t know she was having a period until I flipped up her dress and lowered her panties. She hadn’t said anything. Back then, girls knew it didn’t much matter whether they were having her period or not. If they misbehaved they risked being spanked by either parent, boyfriend, or husband. It was just part of being a woman.

        Most likely, I only remember the dating episode because I was fascinated by how easily it was to spank a young woman wearing a skirt despite all the undergarments of the day. The same design that facilitated a woman’s using the toilet without undressing also made her remarkably simple to spank.

        While I didn’t keep any records, I remember my wife required spanking about every two weeks at several points in our marriage. On several occasions, especially early in our marriage, she was wearing a sanitary napkin and suspenders. It was from conversations related to those experiences that I found out that spankings hurt worse on a woman’s heavy flow days because, as my wife phrased the problem, it “jars” her insides as well as stings her bottom.

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      • I start testing as soon as I start thinking I might fall for a guy… Sometimes it’s a choice I make but most of the time it’s subconscious. I often feel foolish when I realize later that I’ve done it. I’m seeing someone now whose responses feel like such a terrible tease to me. I don’t know if he would actually spank me and just hasn’t felt the timing to be right, if it’s something he thinks about but doesn’t think he can get away with doing, or if he’s clueless and would never spank. When I give him a hard time, he gives me a look that stirs excitement (and a tiny bit of fear… lol) in me. Sometimes I can’t help looking away but sometimes I glare back at him. It’s a dare, on my part. He tells me things like he’s “going to get me,” I better watch it,” and “I need to behave.” I’ll probably do too much prodding and run him off…

        Monthly cycles are absolutely a factor for me. I don’t know about the pain of a spanking changing. I definitely know my cycles have an impact on my NEED for spanking though. I pride myself on not being “one of those” women who gets really mean to everyone when she’s going through PMS. However, I do get really sad and down on myself. I tend to think people dislike me and my boyfriend is disinterested or neglecting me during this time. I often find myself in bed wondering whether the signs I’m seeing are real trangressions or just in my head, induced by hormonal swings. A good spanking can help with the hormones a LOT and also change my mood from sad and resentful to super snuggly, appreciative, and sexually insatiable.

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      • Before we got together, my wife went through at least two boyfriends her freshman year in college. She later told me that she knew her previous boyfriend would never work out because he had put her up on a pedestal. He was, as she described it, too subservient.

        After I spanked my wife for the second time before we became engaged, she confessed sensing the first time she met me that I really would give her bottom a good hard spanking when she needed one. Although my wife never liked them, she knew her bare bottom still needed an occasional thrashing to straighten her out.

        As I’ve pointed out before, and probably can’t stress enough, one of the real advantages my wife and I had in dating at a time when we could frankly discuss spanking. Girls, young women, and sometimes even mothers were simply more honest and open about spanking than would be the case a decade later.

        Consequently, my wife and I didn’t have to, as the old expression goes, beat round the bush. I could ask her about how she felt being spanked at her age without fear of opening a can political correctness. Likewise, she could answer honestly without worrying about my taking it as a invitation to have my way with her.

        For the most part, in those days, there were still some implicit understandings about invisible boundaries of respect that are difficult to explain to anyone coming of age after the mid-1970s. It was what was known by the rather archaic term courtship.

        Even after several decades of marriage, my wife still tests me. Although her tests are more subtle than when we first married, they’re still there. Testing is what women do. It is a self-protection mechanism.

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  23. As I said many times, every woman’s brain has been wired for millennia, for spanking. It’s a natural remedy and antidote to most of her problems!. She will sooner or later ask for it, The husband must look for the signs. The five thong thick leather discipline should always be displayed at the prominent place in the home, certainly in every successful home!

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      • The problem arises with explaining things to children these days because of the widespread belief there is some magical age beyond which girls can’t be spanked. This has not always been the case. When my wife and I were growing up, it was fairly well understood that girls didn’t get too old to spank.

        By the time I was in my late preteens, I knew it wasn’t just girls. My wife said she realized she wasn’t going to get too old for a spanking when she was in her early teens. These realizations made it much easier for my wife and I to discuss spanking shortly after we began dating. It also opened the door for my then girlfriend to tell my future mother-in-law that that her boyfriend had spanked her for lying to him.

        Since those days, I have learned children understand Daddy spanking Mommy much better than they handle constant bickering and eventual divorce. One reason is, while spanking is fairly simple and straightforward, separations and divorces are often complicated, disruptive, and messy. It also reinforces messages children receive about getting along and consequences.

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  24. Hi, I’ve been into spanking since I was in my teens but never got involved until my 20’s. I always had a safe word except for discipline spanking with my boyfriend. It is “Superman” three times in a row, but I never used it. I’m not sure if I’m the only one but I have such a extremely high pain tolerance that when we first started he would stop because of the condition of my backside before I ever used my safe word, even when it was suppose to be a discipline style. He would never get me to cry. He calls me “Supergirl” buns of steel.” He’d always used thick wooden implements or thick western belts. He is always afraid of going too far. He always felt bad about the bruises and welts he would leave but I expected it. He’s also always gave me slower types whacks too. I finally got him to not be afraid hit hard but I’d be bruised up to bad for him and he end up stopping before it even affected me. This went on for like a year and we were both frustrated because no matter how hard he whack it barely got a response from me. We talked and finally found something that worked during a discipline spanking. He switched me one time and that got me yelping a lot and even hop up and down. We discovered that it was what he was using and the way he was applying them. We learned that lighter and stingy implements were the trick. Also, my pain tolerance goes down with the brisk fast type swats and more lengthy. He was concerned at first because he felt he was wailing on me. It took a while for use to both get use to it. The implements now are switches (hate them), thin but durable ruler type paddles, curtain rods and thin leather office belts (hate them). For discipline spankings, he now knows exactly how make me cry. I have to have rapid fire swats from the beginning, very lengthy and no warm up. Am I the only one who has such a high pain tolerance that needs such extreme measure for it to be effective?

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    • I dont really have much of any input..we only just started a month ago. I’ve only been spanked twice, the first was a “clean slate” spanking. In looking back maybe the ten swats with his hand was a warm up?. But the 30 ish with his belt was rememberible. I didn’t cry right away either, probably the last 6 or 7 swats. His belt isnt a thick heavy one but it isnt a thin dress belt either..somewhere in between i suppose.
      The second was a about 2 weeks ago..i hadn’t completed one of my personal chores (going for a walk) even after he gave me another day to do so…anyway..somewhere recently he bought a wide, thick, heavy back scratcher. He decided to use it to spank me but after more than 10 swats with no response out of me, he stood me up and got his belt again…i sure dont like that thing! I guess it’s what does the trick for me. He has said he felt i was too tuff for a paddle type implement. I cant imagine a switch and i hope he doesn’t either.

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  25. Pingback: Spanking one’s wife: a good resource | Julian O'Dea

  26. I get so turned on giving my girlfriend all kinds of spankings, from erotic to just because spanking and even real ones that make her loss her composure, cry and sob. I see it as a gift of submission she gives me. Fortunately, I have a girlfriend who likes it also. She actually turned me on to it and brought out the spanko in me. Is it wrong to admit that I enjoy it? I get so turned on as I watch take her pants down knowing that she has given me full permission to spank her or sometime give her a real one. I have conflicting emotions inside. I don’t like woman who are abused but I like spanking my girlfriend now. Its like is a psychological afrodeysic to me. I love the control aspect, its like asking me to discipline her is the ultimate sign of respect and I feel honored she choose me to have that authority. The actual spanking is exciting to me also. I mean when I turn her over my knee and it completely consensual I feel so stimulated by the whole experience. Seeing her beautiful bare bottom in front of me knowing she expecting me to spank her and sometimes until she is crying hysterically is huge rush. Is it wrong to feel good about having that authority and power she gave me. I also really get turned on when I start to spank her usually start out with my hand to start with. I am so stimulated when I see her clench up tight and I see all the muscular definition of her butt cheecks. It is electifying for me to hear her react and I feel compelled to smack harder and faster. To see her feet fluttering and her ass cheecks are turning red to bright red, its like I go into a trance in my mind. The longer the spanking goes on the more I get turned on and I am not sure if I should feel guilty of that or not? I have never seen her do the post spanking hop I heard some described but I might bring that up to my Jill. I usually use my belt over my knee for discipline and I feel the powerful sense of power and authority as I began removing it and I feel extremely respected by Jill as she begins dropping her pants when I order her too. Is something wrong with me, that after experienced spanking someone that I discovered that I really like it myself?

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    • Hell Brad, I think it is natural to have some enjoyment in delivering a spanking. There is a satisfaction in the dominance of humbling her, of making her vulnerable, and of everything you describe. Most men who discipline their wives enjoy seeing them fully submitted during discipline, and seeing their body, and having it in their hands with so much command.

      The only thing I’d warn you against is if you are going on and on with it just because of euphoria you feel. Your decision to spank, or to continue with a spanking, should be made in self-control, and based on what you see she needs to chastise and correct her. You don’t want your will overwhelmed by feelings in this. But it totally alright that you have them.

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  27. My future wife and I have been talking about living this lifestyle she has problems with always being honest along with a few other things but my question is that she likes me to spank her with her belts and that has always been great as from the time of being young about 14 to 15 years old I have had a fetish with womens leather belts back to my question is how to make this lifestyle work if she likes being spanked and leads to sex?????

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    • A bit late in responding: if she likes it and it leads to great sex WHAT IS THE PROBLEM. Spanking isn’t just for discipline. Though most bloggers talk about the discipline side, in real life, most spankers do it because it’s hot.
      Yes, you can find an instrument she detests and IF she consents use that for discipline. But, if the spankings lead to great sex, why spoil something good. I think to much is made of the discipline side and not enough blogging of just how hot it is.

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  28. I seldom respond to these blogs; I just enjoy reading them. This one touched a few nerves. While it begins on consent and ONLY WITH consent should spanking of wives occur; several of the postings seem to differ and one seems to go into realms that seem almost sick.
    For my background: my beautiful intelligent wife was married before me to a man who was too much of a coward to inform her about spanking her until after they were married. He didn’t believe that consent was required (most bullies and cowards share this trait). It was the man’s prerogative to discipline his wife. She tried to do what should could to avoid punishment; she heavily believed this would pass. Of course, it didn’t. Ultimately she divorced him (thankfully for me).
    I worked with her and had she not been married would have asked her out within an hour after meeting. Ultimately we became close through work and she told me about the upcoming divorce. I was sympathetic and I told her of some of my feelings. Long story short we were dating a month after her divorce. When I told her about my spanking fetish I emphasized it will only occur with your consent. I will never force this upon you (and I never have). While she doesn’t love being spanked; she does love how incredibly aroused I get — more than any other way. I gave away: whips, tawse, canes and a few other implements (much to the delight of a few friends).
    I firmly believe people are free to do what they mutually consent to. Spanking for fun; eroticisms, discipline or any combination. While I don’t switch I have no problem with a male friend that is a sub.
    What set me off about the article; stating that women need to be spanked. Actually only some; I have no idea how many or what % nor does anyone else no. Most polls that I have seen (only on spanking sites do they run 95%+ Duh); seem to indicate about 10-20% most for fun and much smaller % for discipline. So clearly unless other germane facts are presented most women DON’T NEED to be spanked for discipline. Of course if they consent – polls are meaningless.
    However, we you talk about having kids view your spankings — that is wrong — it’s pathetically SICK. We have fought in front of the kids, but explained that just when they fight we still very much love each other. How beating your wife in front of your kids helps them. That’s just pathetic.
    Our oldest is going to college next year. We are giving warning about a frat parties. She can call us 2 in the morning and I can be there in an hour. If an emergency my cousin can be there in 5 minutes. I will add another thing to some things we spoke to her about (actually my wife did most of that talking). If a guy thinks he has a right to spank you — if you don’t consent — scream or call me. We will set him straight quickly.
    The boyfriend she has now is wonderful. I hope they stay together. He is going to the same college. Hopefully she will stay away from the frat parties. She doesn’t drink or do drugs now. Let’s us pray that stays the same way as well.

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  29. Well, there has definitely been a turning point for us in this new endeavor of a DD relationship. Up until about 2 weeks ago, any punishment has been a result of not completing tasks set up in our initial rules of chores/tasks to be done. And then came the day i was in a snarky mood..arguing, being salty etc. My husband finally had enough and said ummm something…honestly i cant remember his exact words…all i can say is that he made a strong statement about me needing a spanking, and for a moment we stood just looking at each other. Can i say that i think my heart stopped?. We happened to be standing in our bedroom at the time, so there was no sending me there..so far this has been the only place of carried out punishments. Anyway, when he walked to retrieve his belt, I was instantly sick to my stomach. I could feel myself shaking inside when he told me to undo my pants and bend over the bed. I couldn’t tell you how many swats I was given, but this one hurt. I even at one point tried to protect my behind with one of my hands…that was a mistake…he pinned my hand against my back and struck me hard a couple of times for it. This was the first spanking I’ve gotten for being disrespectful…and i dont want another one.

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  30. Pingback: Why Do Women Want To Get Spanked? | Domestic submission

  31. I am a Christian woman and 29 years old. I submit to my husband’s domestic discipline whenever I fail to perform my wifely duties to his satisfaction in any way. Sometimes, he will spank me. More often, he will use a belt to whip my buttocks and thighs. He may give me 50 lashes or 75 or 100. I must count out each lash. After he has finished with the belt whipping, I must thank him for properly punishing me.

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    • While I’ve taken a belt to my wife several times during our half century together, it has never been over trivial matters. The first time was when she intentionally lied to me. Ar the time, we both agreed she deserved to be put over my lap and punished.

      It may also be worth pointing out that I have never expected my wife to be my servant, much less my slave. We married because we liked being around each other. In fact, we not only had trouble living apart, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Even my late mother-in-law recognized we were serious from the moment we started dating.

      No human is perfect. My wife doesn’t do everything correctly. She never has. She never will.. Then, neither do I. We are both fallible human beings. To punish my wife for her imperfections would be to degrade her. If I did, and if she left me for doing so, I would deserve it!

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    • Jennifer, I will discipline my wife for major failings in her duties or repeated problems after I’ve warned her, but I would not discipline her for any minor failing. We all make mistakes. I also discipline her for disobedience or disrespect, but that is rare from her. Things are much more at peace after I correct her, and I see she gives an extra effort.

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  32. I am so lonely for a gentleman with your strength knowledge and experience and most important honesty. Your marriage seems loving and strong. Your wife is a lucky lady! Can you speak to how a man might feel competent masculine and in charge when he puts his foot down. It seems a woman being honest in her need to submit to her man provides proof that she both respects and needs him. I think a man feels secure confident and needed. He is giving his strength and confidence to his lady. I can only hope to find a man who will be my champion and who will bare my bottom and put me over his knee. Thank you for your wisdom and insights.
    M

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  33. When we have decided that my wife Cindy needs a spanking, I start by ordering her to remove shirt and jeans, so that she is there in front of me just in bra and panties. I then tell how many strokes she is going to get. I then order her to remove her bra, and then her panties. We have a low coffee table on which she has to kneel, on knees and elbows so that her butt is up in the air. She has quite pendulous 36DD breasts, which are hanging down to the table by that time. I am really turned on by positioning them carefully on a cushion, and by that time her nipples are usually fully erect. I make sure that her knees are well apart so that I get full view of her pussy. Then I methodically apply the strokes. By this time she is usually getting really wet. This spanking position is a great position to finish off with doggy style sex.

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  34. In our home, my wife is the one who does all of the spankings. On our wedding night, when we both came out of the shower, she took me to our hotel bed (thinking we were about to consummate or marriage), she took me over her knee, we were both still naked, & gave me my first adult spanking.

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  36. Hi, Constance. I enjoyed this article. I have a question. My fiance and I are into discipline, and we plan to incorporate spanking/whipping into our routine when we’re living together. I just wanted to ask this. You make reference to you being naughty when Mark spanks you. I want to know what kind of misbehavior did you commit that made him discipline you. I want to know so that when the time comes, I can appropriately discipline my wife without being selfish or immoral. Thank you.

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  37. I have been very fortunately blessed with a wonderful husband. He is 8 years older than me, intelligent, hardworking and faithful to me. We have been married for 18 years. Early on in the relationship he let me know that he was an alpha type and he was going to be in charge. At first, I wasn’t comfortable with this, but as time went by I learned that I not only could trust him, but enjoyed his leadership. After we got married he wanted me to stay home and take care of the children and the home. I felt lucky to have the luxury of being able to stay home. My husband has always made it clear what his expectations are and good behavior gets rewarded, while bad behavior gets punished. It has nothing thing to do with religion or sex, although if I have acted badly or disrespectful towards him I have noticed the sex is less loving and more forceful.
    Some people would say that I am too old fashioned and too submissive to my husband, but I have more freedom then most women do. I am allowed to be feminine, I have had plenty of time to be with my children, I have had time to take care of myself and during the day hours I do many things I like after my chores are tended to. I do not answer to an employer.
    In return, I am an obedient wife that keeps a clean house, provides home cooked meals on time, children are taken care of, enjoys keeping my husband sexually satisfied, who does not argue with or disrespect my husband. Punishment is much less frequent than in the past, because I have learned to be a better wife, but when I receive punishment I know I deserve it. I am a happy wife because my husband has always been consistent, no games played and he has always taken excellent care of me, spoils me at times and he tells me he loves me every day, even when he must punish me . I know everything that he has done with me has been for the betterment of our marriage and family . I don’t like it when people use religion as a reason why their man is in charge of the family. Any successful, good man worth his salt should be his families leader, women have enough responsibility.

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  38. I am sure similar rules apply to wives who want to spank their husband…
    But I wonder why the internet is so full of M/F spanking guides and not F/M.
    (M/F means the male is the spanker; the female is the spankee. Whoever comes first is the one smacking the other. So F/F means female spanking female)
    I am a single 20 year old man who would love to be on the RECEIVING END of erotic spanking.

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  39. hello ladies and gentle men .
    i know my words may looks silly but you cant imagine how i feel for you all . am so happy to find people who can understand me in the right manner , however am feeling so confused in the DD lif style some times i feel that tend to be hard to my wife and that may hurt her and some time i feel i have to do that . am feeling satisfied with being HOH .
    am feeling responsible to protect any girl and women that attached to me and of corse my wife .

    i have introduced this to my wife and she partially accepted . but some times i feel like i should not be tough with her however i feel that works much better .
    am already in it but would like to ask if what i feel is normal .
    love u all , thanks

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    • Hi Alpha, That’s a very good question. A lot of men have a protective instinct that would make them feel uncomfortable or nervous about possibly spanking too hard. Some men worry about causing her to cry. I never personally had a great fear of that, but it is a common concern. I’d say that with time you grow more comfortable with your role in giving discipline, and with leading your wife. You learn how to be firm, but not go way overboard. You understand that you often have to be hard, and that she will cry, either because of the discipline or because she is emotional. It is not a bad thing. Often crying is a good release for her and she is calmed afterward.

      As a husband who regularly spanks his wife soundly, and brings her to tears almost every time, I’d say it is important to be firm and to not be afraid of her tears. I love my wife and I care deeply about her wants and needs, but when I am in the position to discipline her, I give her what she needs, even if it is a thrashing. You are there to firmly correct her. She needs that firm hand and to be submitted to you. You should naturally make sure not to injure her, but few women learn correction by mild spankings. It also aids greatly in her submission to you day to day.

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  40. In our home, my wife is the 1 who dishes out all of the spanking, to me as well. She’s bigger, stronger & more dominate than I, is a big, strong country farm girl & I’m smaller & from the city. She gave me my 1st naked spanking over her naked lap on our wedding night & still spanks me today, whenever she thinks I need it. Even though I’m 61, I have the same response as a 5 year old over a female knee.

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  42. I have read some of this with interest after stumbling upon it. I have been happily married to a generous and sweet man for 18 years and we have children, and grand babies. It is not my first marriage. In the first one, I married young to a very domineering man who was actually a few years younger. He was also more than twice my slender size. I had been taught by my church that the husband should be the “head of the home” etc. and having seen a lot of fighting and discontent between my own rather domineering mother and too easy going Father I wanted a better home life. For that reason I began to defer to his wishes even while dating but found I still had a temper and the same sassy mouth that had gotten me spanked at home. I learned I wasn’t too big to get turned over his large knee and soundly spanked with his big hands that felt like wooden paddles. It didn’t take much for me to become a lot more careful! On one occasion when he became upset with my behavior in the grocery he spanked me in the parking lot on the way to the car and when he unlocked the car door to allow me in I found the spanking continued with me bent over the seat but the door still open for all to see!! I was humiliated as well as in pain! Gradually, problems in our mariiage developed and became worse with his expecting an ever more subservient attitude with lists of endless and puposeless rules and when I had too much and rebelled the spankings changed to shouting, pushing, denigrating statements, tearing my clothes and choking. In other words, he became abusive and I became just confused about what the dynamics in marriage should be.

    After a divorce and starting to date again I met a young man 8 years my junior whom I became very good friends with. Soon we became more then friends. We discussed the previous dynamics and he stated he would never truly hurt me but on a couple of occasions I was given a few whacks on my bottom that I considered mostly playful but with a bit of warning behind them. Then one night while waiting on my ex to pick up my two young children I noticed a garage sale down the street I really wanted to go to. My long time boyfreind was there and I told him he could watch the kids till their Dad got there while I ran down the street. He didn’t want to be the one alone with them when their Dad came but I just laughed at his “silliness” and went on to the garage sale. When I got back to the house with my “haul” he met me with an unsmiling face and said we needed to have a talk. He led me to sit on the side of a bed by him and when I did he quickly leaned over and I found myself over his knee with my stretchy shorts and panties removed in one quick swoop. He proceeded to give me about 15 good smacks on my bare bum and it was glowing bright pink . My feelings were mixed, on one hand it turned me on but on the other it mad me mad and insulted my new feminist beliefs and I pouted until he firmly informed me that if I didn’t stop with the pouting he was leaving. Not wanting to lose the precious time we had alone with the kids gone I found a way to stop.

    Lastly, I married again. This time my husband was more then 10 years older, more then twice as big as me and a gentle, patient, bear of a man. There has been little we have ever fought over and he is not insulted over the different opinions we hold on certain things and I generally allow him to lead though I want a voice in decisions. My temper rarely manifests and he mostly laughed when I was sassy. Then I would laugh too and all would be well. However, there are times I have sometimes wished he would be a bit more firm. On one of the few occasions he became very angry with me I went to a fabric craft store to browse and simply lost track of time staying several hours longer then I meant. When I heard them announce the store’s closing I realized I had no dinner prepared and had not told my husband where I was ins spite of the fact that he meticulously let me know if he would be even 15 minutes late. I frantically looked in my purse for my cell phone to find the volume off, several missed calls from him…and not enough juice to make a call. I got in my car and drove home on the now slick roads at night and trying to plug my phone in in the car charger. I tried at two stoplights to call and didn’t get an answer and then figured I would be home before I could try again. My wonderful saint of a husband was so angry he didn’t want to talk to me or let me touch him even after profound apologies on my part. I still do not have a phone because when that one was lost he said there was little reason when I didn’t plug it in or use it for me to have one. True. This has been 5 years or so ago but I still feel a lot of guilt over what I did. I wish he had simply turned me over his knee and paddled me good for what I did and hopefully it would have wiped the slate clean. Yet, because of my experience of my first husband using spanking but then becoming abusive I am afraid. I also feel conflicted about the experience with the boyfriend when the spanking just left me sexually turned on but also angry and confused. There are things I do which negatively effect my health that I wish he would help me with by being more firm but I don’t want a domineering jerk who just gets off on making me his slave for his own ego. After perusing some spanking sites I am also conflicted about the level of violence/pain shown in some of the pictures/ videos. To me, just because it is delivered on the bottom or upper thighs doesn’t automatically keep it from being abuse. Almost all would agree that a caning which left welts and broke the skin of a child was abuse…or that a spanking which left deep and severe bruises was abuse. When a man “disciplines” his woman who is often much smaller then him to this extent it is also abuse as is the deliberate use of public humiliation. As a nurse I also know that repeated severe paddling of the buttocks can cause enough muscle damage to release chemicals from that damage which can cause acute kidney failure ( I have seen it with Fraternity pledges) and that paddling or spanking which causes deep swelling or bruises can cause permanent damage to the sciatic nerve located in the buttocks in the form of scar tissue which can cause lifelong nerve pain from pressure on the entrapped nerve. For myself, a “spanking” that severe would likely be counter productive anyway leaving me afraid of my partner and angry rather then feeling any kind of connection. A red bottom that caused some real tears but no bruises or welts and a stern but loving talking to is likely to produce the opposite. I don’t know how or if I should approach all this with my husband when I have so many conflicting feelings. Perhaps someone on here could share their thoughts.

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  43. i have a spanking contract that i signed for my husband. it specifies he does not need my consent for a spanking and allows him to spank as hard as he wants to. i realize i made a mistake. he always spanks what i consider way too hard. my husband says i have to be spanked till i am in tears. now he says he wants to spank even harder. i don’t know what to do.

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    • Hello Amy, I think it is common for a spanking to bring to tears. In many relationships the consent is given at the beginning of the arrangement, and not before each spanking. I regularly spank my wife to tears. If you think your husband is overdoing it with the spankings, you could gently let him know and explain why. I’d be willing to communicate with him as a fellow disciplinarian, assuming this blogger allows contact info.

      We should use spanking to correct behavior, to correct attitude, and to better instill submission, but it should not leave a wife feeling in fear all the time, or be used for any last mistake, which of course we all make.

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    • You do realize that your contract is legally MEANINGLESS. If he ever produced this in a court of law he would probably get arrtested. You and your husband need to have a long talk and discuss what consent truly means. DD/LDD/CDD all begin/end with consent. Most sites will completely agree with this (though there are a few nut case sites where consent can never be revoked).

      One thing I am concerned if he is not taking your concerns seriously, he might be (I don’t know your husband) a sexual sadist who gets off on beating you. While this may be way off, it may also be true. You have a tough choice.

      You contract is nothing more than an INTENT between TWO CONSENTING ADULTS.

      What if in 6 months he wants to start caning you — is that included in your so called “contract”.

      Be careful – your feelings and thoughts on this are just (if not more) important than his.
      CONSENT CONSENT CONSENT

      It can be revoked and is NOT absolute.
      Be safe.
      All the best.

      Rob

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    • You and your husband need to have some serious and hard discussions. To be truly afraid of your life partner, is not healthy emotionally or physically. You have BOTH made a commitment to each other. He is or will be the Father of your children.

      There is a great site for people starting out in D/d — ADDS – A domestic discipline society.
      They layout the three cornerstones of D/d — the three c’s. Consistency ,communication and consent.
      All three are needed or D/d can be counter productive. Please communicate your fears and your feelings to your partner.

      Maybe you should both read the section for beginners – go SLOWLY. Consistency and communication are critical, but consent supersedes even them. Submission should be based on love and respect not fear. Please read their introduction to beginners. This is probably one of the earliest and most widely read sites on D/d (though they have not been as active the last couple of years. I hope you both can work things out.

      https://adomesticdisciplinesociety.blogspot.com/2013/10/domestic-discipline-foundation-3-cs-of-dd.html

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  44. I believe spanking in marriage would help many marriages to be more peaceful, happy, and long lasting. If done in the context of loving leadership and submission, it is a great tool for all these things. I am glad there are blogs like this which can help introduce people to it, and encourage them. We have a happy home and my wife is loving and sweet to me, and everyone notices this. But a big part of this is that my wife willfully respects my leadership, and if she gets a bad attitude, or ignores her responsibilities, I correct her firmly. She has to undress, kneel before me to accept my verbal correction about her behavior. Then I put her over my knee and deliver a hard spanking on her bottom along with a serious lecture on her behavior. IT almost always brings her to tears. After I have talked to her over my knee, I may give her a few minutes to calm down in the corner, then she returns to kneel before me and explain what her future behavior will be like. Things work very smoothly this way, and I’d say we’ve never had a verbal fight of any length, or bitterness toward each other. She is soft and yielding to me. We have intimacy and closeness, physically and emotionally. A spanking is brief, it addresses and corrects a problem, then we are done. This may not be for everyone, but I’m sure many who try it would benefit.

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  45. Here is a little information about this birch bundle made from very thin ends of twigs. If you use this tool you’ve got a form of correction which gives an intense pain but it nevertheless leaves no marks that don’t disappear in about one day. You don’t have to use much force here—it isn’t neccesary, the pain builds up slowly and you can keep up the good work for half an hour for a lasting impression in your wife’s mind. This isn’t cruel at all compared to using a cane which you can use only a very short time and therefore doesn’t cause the lasting memory effect you want to achieve.
    Have in mind that this birch branch bundle dries very quickly. You can easily soften it by putting it into a big cheramic bowl or anything with hot water. It then becomes as good as new and fresh. I think that these implements that are mentioned here very often are too harsh and nearly cruel! With this natural, silent and free tool one makes the dear wife’s behind get this neccessary, intense pain without bruises and scars.
    I strongly recommend a bundle of about ten, very thin branches from a birch tree, for example! A proper length can be about one foot two.It should look like this, perhaps with even thinner ends of the twigs:
    Infoga bild

    No noise at all, (at least from the tool), and very effective but still harmless.
    You can normally start up with 20 to 30 slaps with open hand and then use this bundle! If you want to be very silent you of course use this method immediately,
    It is a very mild form of spanking at the beginning but after about 150 lashes it makes a sharp, stinging feeling that can not be ignored.Then you pause for a minute or two and then continue. All of this can and should be done several times but of course it is up to yourselves. Do not forget, during a maintenance spanking, to communicate with caresses and hugs. We love our wives, don’t we!

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    • That’s very interesting. I think most have never tried it. Can this be done with twigs from other trees? How long would it leave her bottom sore?

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  46. Pingback: Reposted – my DD.life

  47. My wife does not enjoy spanking but will agree to take one if she has done something that deserves punishment. For Example forgetting to do something critical, loosing some important or generally being in a terrible mood and taking it out on me. She will end up getting a spanking about once every 3 months.
    More if I had my way, I am always looking for a reason to justify a spanking but she is getting better at avoiding them. There is no doubt a good spanking is effective.

    I have a large leather paddle, a large wooden paddle and a dragon cane. She will only take 6 strokes of one item. I therefore ensure that they are given very hard and on the bare
    The Leather paddle is given over the end of a sofa arm. Usually by the 4th stroke she is close to tears but normally holds out.
    The oak wooden paddle is given over the end of the bed with a pillow underneath. it packs a mighty punch and I have to be careful how hard I strike her with this. Afterwards I normally wish I had used it harder and every successive use I get more adventurous.
    The cane is what my wife hates the most. I normally get her to bend over with her hands on a low stool.
    I have offered her more strokes of the paddle as an alternative (for example 8 of the leather paddle ) but she will never accept more than six of anything. So with that in mind She usually gets the cane. I am getting better at making every stroke count leaving her with distinct tram rails.

    Her last spanking took place last week after an almighty family argument with my spoilt daughter and my wife cowardly took my daughters side. She got the hardest spanking I have ever delivered. Bent over the end of the bed with pillows. 3 with the cane followed by three with the wooden paddle. I was actually worried I had gone too far. Her backside was sore for over 24 hours and the marks took a few days to disappear

    My wife is 62 and she still has the most spankable backside you could wish for. It looked perfect with her dress pulled right up . She wears knickers like a thong at the back with most of her backside exposed so no need to pull down. I could feel the heat in her backside as if you could fry an egg on it.

    I can’t wait for another excuse to spank her ASAP

    I would love my wife to have a go at spanking me when I am out of line as I frequently am but she doesn’t like the idea of it.

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  50. To Brad who wrote like poetry! But also to Dave and the other HoHs/husbands.

    I really dislike hard and heavy implements which cause bruises for days and the women to be afraid and having a constant fear. I think the quotes here are referring to birches like some birch rods tied together but I promote, yes,
    I strongly recommend a bundle of about ten, very thin branches from a birch
    tree, for example! A proper length can be about one foot two.
    And, yes, you can use twigs from other trees too but be aware of the allergical possibilities!

    ” I find regular spanking to be very effective at improving my behavior and sweetening my attitude, but I’ve never been birched. What is it about birching that you find so much more effective than a regular spanking? How do the experiences differ?
    Maria W

    There is some evidence to suggest that women respond better to corporal punishment than men. Or, to put it another way, cp is more effective on women than men. Personally, I believe birching to be the best form of corporal punishment. I can’t help thinking that many of today’s young ladies would benefit from a good spanking – and the occasional birching!

    Being birched is unlike any other form of corporal punishment. The best description I ever read was from a woman who said that it was like being stung by a swarm of insects all at once!
    A birching is quite mild to start with. The first time I received the birch I was quite scared but the initial strokes were so pleasant that I remember thinking, “Hey, this isn’t too bad. I think I’ll be all right!” Then after a while the pain really kicks in. It’s supposedly caused by the individual twigs repeatedly striking those areas that have already been hit.
    You should be under no illusion. A proper birching will be one of the most painful experiences of your life! Actually, a really good birching should only be given as a last resort. If a girl is birched hard for relatively minor offences, then she becomes inured to the punishment and it ceases to have any beneficial effect. That said, a mild birching remains useful in these cases.
    That said, it can also raise you to new heights of ecstasy!
    Margret

    a good birching is the best corporal punishment for young ladies. I get one or two good long birchings every month.

    kisses, michaela”

    Sigurd

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