Ask me anything

If you have read the post about me, you already know me pretty well.

Since I am rather new in domestic discipline and being a submissive wife in general, I am not totally experienced. My husband and I are experimenting very often, however.

I totally would like to have discussions with my readers (that’s why I started this blog in the first place) about BDSM related topics in general. So, it doesn’t matter if you are male or female, submissive, dominant, or something else – feel free to write me, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. This can take some time, though- I am mostly a mom and my husband expects me to fulfill the weekly list of household chores perfectly 😉 .

Please be patient !

41 thoughts on “Ask me anything

  1. Would you see a Disciplinarian with your husbands permission? Perhaps have him come along to watch someone experienced in order to learn certain techniques ?

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      • Absolutely. Some women need that control in their life. There is definately a desire to be punished but remember that once you open that door, it cant be closed again. Personally, i spank hard and atleast 60 licks with my hand and double that with a small hand paddle. I paddle hard and fast as i want my submissive kicking and squealing so she remembers my rules. A firm spanking teaches but a light spanking only leaves the submissive disappointed. A woman wants to be dominated. She wants to be dominated by HER man. A man who cant or wont give you what you need is something less than a man. That being said, im a bit of a switch. When my DD ex wife discovers that ive misbehaved, she is quick to paddle me. Also im not allowed to date any woman who is not in our life style and who doesnt have the backbone to correct my behavior. I fully expect any spanking to hurt. Real spankings are supposed to be painful. 775-316-1047. Im availble to talk.

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  2. Yes …. I’d heard of it happening some years back & after gaining experience on the UK spanking scene I started to look for opportunities. They are few & far between alas so I’ve only done it with couples twice but on a few more occasions with just the female partner, with the husbands permission (or so they said!) ….. I have my own sub & I also visit many of the pro-subs in the UK.

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  3. My husband and I have practiced dd for most our married life 15 yrs…however, I’ve never been punished like I’m fixing to be and we have a question….I am currently owing for 3 items I purchased without permission..to keep them I must…pay …the price…..one article 90.00…one article 45.00..another article 80.00… 3 different implements on my bare bottom. ….in what order should the cane paddle and tawse be used to cause least amount of damage to my poor butt

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  4. Dd relationship with husband for 15 yrs…never been punished like I’m fixing to be…purchased 3 items without permission…to keep them…I must..pay …the price….one article 90.00…2nd article 45.00…3rd article 80.00…3 different implements on my bare bottom…cane strap paddle…in which order do you advise would cause the least amount of damage to my poor butt

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  5. No We have always just winged it…you are right though…sitting very gingerly today…..but no real damage….100 swats with paddle..wearing the dress i bought…he admitted he liked it!! .100 with the strap and before bed 100 with the cane…. I’d say my purchase is paid in full…of course Next time….I’ll just ask first….he never says no to me ..but it was just a spur of the moment selfish…couldn’t resist move…..and all I had to do was ask to spend that kind of money and he would have said yes…lesson has been sent home….all across my butt….!!!

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  6. I just wanted to let you know how much we appreciate your blog. We live in California. I (the female) have had multiple failed relationships and have had my fair share of personal/emotional trauma (death of spouse, death of 2 young children, childhood sexual abuse…just for starters). Life has forced me to become overly independent….and as I am finding out now…very defensive, manipulative, self-sabotaging, and a bit bratty at times. I’m naturally a very compassionate and kind person. Life has thrown me some serious curve balls and I’ve not been able to deal with them in a meaningful or healthy way. My defense mechanisms are (as it turns out) very unhealthy and counter-productive to a loving relationship for self or others. Thankfully I have met a WONDERFUL man, and he seems crazy enough to want to help me work through all this mess. We are in the very early stages of DD life. It’s not been easy. Deep down I find myself wanting and willing….but somehow unable to allow the discipline part to take place. It’s all growing pains. The way you have shared so much about yourself and your relationship has definitely helped us find the courage to delve into this kind of lifestyle. Thank you.

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  7. Hi Constance, I love your blog! My boyfriend and me are experimenting with dominance and submission, but we only ventured so far as of yet. I do get spankings, but they are mostly the fun kind ^_^
    Your entries have been very inspiring.

    Have you ever been spanked by your husband in the company of others? Close friends maybe? If so, how did you feel about the experience?

    Have a nice day,
    Charlotte

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  8. Pingback: How To Properly Spank Your Wife! | Domestic submission

  9. Pingback: Why Do Women Want To Get Spanked? | Domestic submission

  10. I really appreciate your blog and the posts have been helping me understand myself. My husband and I have just recently started. I’m a very anxious person and find that spanking has been able to calm me and make me a more accepting person. I am wondering how often we should engage in spanking? I understand its a personal preference. I am just new to all this and just trying to understand it.

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    • This depends on how much progressed you already have. For recent starters, I would recommend once every 2-4 weeks (it has to be special in the beginning, in my opinion.) I also wrote a guide referring to this topic, but I will talk more about this in the future.

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  11. This is statement, as well as questions opening the door for a potential discussion.

    In the recently released list of 17 federal agencies reportedly to be defunded over the course of the next decade by the presidential administration of Donald Trump is the Office of Violence Against Women. This office was created as part of the 1994 Violence Against Women Act.

    Essentially, the Office of Violence Against Women gives money to local governments as part of an effort to reduce domestic violence. While this sounds quite laudable, it is worth remembering that, prior to the mid-1970s, the term “domestic violence” did not exist.

    When my wife and I married, two words were used to describe the acts that eventually became known as domestic violence. One as spanking. The other was beating. The latter, sometimes called abuse, consisted of hitting a woman anywhere other than where she sat down.

    Back then, spanking was considered to be, in the terminology of the day, a “family matter.” So long as a wife or older child, was only moderately struck on her bottom, police would look the other way. In practice, that meant that while there might be some bruising, there was no lasting damage to anything except pride.

    However, after the mid-1960s, spanking began to get a bad reputation. Oddly enough, the primary issue wasn’t spanking. It was legal equality between the sexes. Here’s why.

    Before my wife and I were married, she could be legally spanked by her parents until her 21st birthday. After we married, her parents lost their legal rights to spank their daughter while I, according to longstanding custom and tradition, gained an understood right to spank my wife.

    Interestingly enough, until 1970, 21 was about the median age (half older, half younger) of first marriage for females. This trend led to the saying that marriage moved a woman from the control of her father to the control of her husband. In practical terms, it meant she moved from being able to be legally spanked by her father to being possibly spanked by her husband.

    The fact that young women in their late teens and early 20s were often spanked by their fathers, while sons weren’t, conflicted with federal mandates for equality codified into law in the mid-1960s. While, in theory, the same rules applied to young men, the facts of life were that sons typically were spanked after their late preteens or early teenage years. Furthermore, it was almost unheard of for a son in his late teens to be spanked by his mother.

    As a matter of practice, daughters were frequently subject to parental disciplining so long as they either lived under their parents’ roof or were financially dependent on them. In the latter case, for example, a young woman might be forced to move back in with her parents after being separated or divorced from her husband.

    Some insight into how profoundly federal equality legislation affected spanking can be seen in the number of states that banned school paddlings. In over a century between the time New Jersey banned paddling in the 19th century and 1971, only one other state (Massachusetts) banned paddling. That was in 1971.

    After 1971, 29 states and the District of Columbia banned paddling in schools. Over 80 percent of those bans occurred in the 1980s and early 1990s.

    During this same period, children went from being considered adults after their 21st birthday to being considered free from parental behavioral restraints after their 18th birthday. In the process, not only did 18-year-olds acquire the right to vote, parents no longer had access to their children’s grades in college.

    Meanwhile, with the passage of no-fault divorce laws, divorce rates began to skyrocket after 1970. These rates only began to subside after couples began cohabitating rather than marrying.

    These days, a cursory search of spanking on the internet reveals two broad categories. One is typically abuse of women and children. The other is erotic activity among consenting adults. Almost totally absent is any mention of the once widely understood use of spanking is a legitimate means of controlling undesirable behavior.

    Now, politics aside, could the prospect of defunding the Office of Violence Against Women signal a return to the tacit understanding that existed in the post-World War II years? Will fiscal restrains by the Trump presidential administration usher in an era in which spanking is once again more accepted in American homes as enforcement of domestic violence is curtailed?

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      • Weird in what way?

        Are you sufficiently out of touch to believe that grants provided to local law enforcement by Office of Violence Against Women served no purpose in protecting women?

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      • Weird in a… well, weird way. I`m very much out of touch since I`m not even American in the first place. You`re rambling on about obscure politics and sociology (which isn`t really read or commented on by anybody most of the time), and with that last comment, I`m not even sure on which side of the discussion you are on. Do you want society to go back to the way it was in the post-World War II years? Because I think that would be absolutely abhorrent.

        Now I openly admitted further up on this page that my boyfriend spanks me, erotically as well as for discipline, and it works for us and makes me happy. But I still know that what works for me, doesn`t necessarily work for everybody and forcing a certain lifestyle on other people is just wrong.

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      • So, do you have a document where you store all that text only to bring it up whenever you feel like it? Somehow, it always seems to be the same…

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      • The issue is less fiscal restraint than it is a significant reordering of priorities as Republicans hold a hegemony in government they have not had since the late 19th century. (This was a time when women had virtually no rights.) Nor, because of a little noticed Supreme Court case (Vieth v. Jubelirer [2004] that loosened the restrains on gerrymandering), it is unlikely that the Republican grip on power is likely to change in the 2018 midterm elections.

        As one political pundit summed up the situation in Washington, “There is a new sheriff in town.” With this reality comes a new set of priorities. Among those, as anyone who’s followed politics for the past couple of decades may have noticed will more than likely come increased ˈRepublican emphases on both marriage and reproduction. (The decline of both has garnered media headlines in recent years.) Accomplishing the foregoing will require a demotion of women’s rights.

        By implication, reducing women’s rights will give men more power. More than likely, this will be achieved, much as it was prior to the mid-1960s, through the creation of unwritten rules that allow men to exercise physical control over women. One of those, as my wife and I discovered independently as we were growing up was spanking.

        Furthermore, since Republicans not only control both houses of Congress, as well as the White House and governments in almost 2/3 of the states, it is possible they could either amend or totally rewrite The Constitution of the United States.

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      • Needless to say, Charlotte, I write from a very American perspective. Although I’ve lived overseas, I understand the States best. With that in mind, please understand, my wife and grew up at a time when spanking was still widely accepted as a legitimate disciplinary strategy in the United States for children as well as older daughters, girlfriends, and wives.

        While both my wife and I were spanked in our preteens, we discovered the rules of the game changed with the onset of puberty. (While this may seem irrelevant, this once well-established fact of life holds the key to understanding how the anti-spanking agenda became such a dominate force in American society.)

        Typically, once parents realized their sons were going through puberty, spankings either became less frequent or ended altogether. (In my case, they ended abruptly when my mother first noticed pubic hair.)

        On the other hand, daughters received no such reprieve. (My wife was spanked when when she was 18-years-old.) The difference in how sons and daughters were disciplined resulted in what was known as the double standard. In practical terms, for example, that often meant that if a teenage boy and and teenager girl were caught making love in the backseat of the boy’s car, the girl was the one spanked by her parents while the boy got a lecture from his parents.

        From a parental standpoint, there was a practical reason for the double standard. In the days before birth control became widely available to teenagers, girls were obviously the ones getting pregnant. This reality also gave rise to all the stories about girls getting spanked for coming home late from a date.

        None of the above facts of life were totally lost on younger children of my generation. I was in my late preteens when I found out grown women sometimes had to take spankings over a man’s lap. From what my wife has said, she was in her early teens when she realized she wasn’t going to get too old to spank.

        It is also important to understand that, at this period in American history, daughters could be legally spanked by their parents until their 21st birth day. (That would not change until the mid-1970s.) This had also been true for our parents’ generation.

        Not totally coincidently, 21 just happened to be the approximate age that young women typically got married!

        It is also worth pointing out that the spanking of wives enjoyed two revivals after World War II. One was when returning veterans of that war married women accustomed to doing the work of men during the war years. In some cases, this required some domestic adjustment and young women quite literally switched from wearing work pants to wearing skirts. The other occurred in the late 1950s when the average age for first time brides actually dropped into the late teens. As a result, many young brides would up being spanked by their husbands much as they would have been by their fathers. This was sometimes referred to as picking up where the young woman’s father left off!

        One can get some sense of how Americans viewed spanking before the Sexual Revolution by watching the movie McLintock! (United Artists, 1963). Although the preliminary focus of this Americanized “The Taming of the Shrew” centers on the estranged relationship between G. W. and his wife Katherine, the real insight comes in how Devlin Warren deals with 18-year-old Becky McLintock.

        Even before the younger couple establishes even a dating relationship, Devlin basically paddled Becky in front of her father. In a theme that is repeated at other points during the film, Beck’s father (G. W.) refrained from injecting himself into situations involving the younger generation. He believed young people needed to work out their own problems with minimal interference from adults.

        That was very much the same attitude my wife’s mother adopted upon finding out that I had spanked her daughter when we were still dating. Likewise, I have every reason to suspect that my wife’s father knew his daughter had gotten her bottom soundly spanked over my lap while we were dating. Yet, he said nothing.

        However, for many people that laissez-faire attitude would change after the Congress of the United States (the national legislature equivalent to Parliament) passed a law in the mid-1960s giving equal rights to women. (This legislation granted rights similar to those accorded Soviet women after 1918.)

        With passage of equal rights for American women, a conflict arose between the traditional disciplinary practices of parents and of husbands, and the newly passed federal law granting women equality. Although that law said absolutely nothing about what would later become known as domestic discipline, the result became what has been called the war on spanking.

        Manifestations of this law included the term domestic violence entering the English language during the mid-1970s. One result of this umbrella term was that spanking was put into the same category of offenses as hitting a woman on her head with a baseball bat! At about the same time, states (the primary subgovernments in the United States) rushed to pass domestic violence laws frequently resulting in the arrest and men from the home.

        By this time, states also began passing no-fault divorce laws. As a result, the divorce rates almost tripled over the course of just a couple of decades. These divorce rates only began easing after younger generations chose cohabitation over marriage.

        Concurrently, paddles (the American equivalent of the English cane) began disappearing from schoolhouses. For the next two decades, starting in the early 1970s, almost half of the 50 states that make up the United States passed laws outlawing padding in public schools (schools run by state governments and paid for by taxes, as opposed to private organizations that charge tuition).

        In the mid-1970s, Congress (the national legislature) passed another law in an effort to prevent child abuse. At part of an incentive package, the national government gave money to state (the principal subgovernments and local (the second tier of subgovernments) governments if they removed children from their parents.

        Of course, seeing dollar signs in their eyes, state and local governments began grabbing as much money as they could from the national government! Enabled by an attitude that treated spanking as abuse, subgovernment child protection agencies began using spanking as an excuse to remove children from their parents.

        By the early 1980s, anti-spanking propagandists began flooding news organizations with news releases about research, some of it flawed, showing spanking was detrimental to children. News media (such as newspapers and television stations) included these news releases as part of their news. Lost in all of this was the experiences of local parents.

        The underlying theory during this time was that if parents could be discouraged from spanking their children, then spanking would somehow disappear. It didn’t. Instead, parents closed their doors, drew their curtains, and spanked their children. Afterwards, unlike previous generation, they didn’t discuss it with their neighbors.

        The fatal flaw in the anti-spanking movement was twofold. First, opponents of spanking never offered any real alternative to spanking. All they could suggest was alternatives such as grounding. The problem with this was that most older daughters, the ones anti-spanking was supposed to protect, actually preferred to be spanked by their mothers to being grounded. Second, as both America’s failed experiment with Prohibition (making the sale of liquor illegal during the 1920s) and the later war on drugs revealed, it is impossible to outlaw what large numbers of people have done over time.

        As a result of the above realities, as well as attitudes afoot in Washington these days, attitudes and laws have dominated public policy (what governments do or do not do by design) are likely to shift back in favor of spanking. As before, the shifting ideology will more than likely be applied to children first. Then, it will evolve into approval for domestic relationships. In other words, as parents learn to spank daughters into their teens, and perhaps even 20s if they are still dependent on their parents for financial support, or room and board, this will transfer to other domestic relationships such as cohabitation and marriage.

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      • So, Mr Experienced, do you have a document where you store all that text only to bring it up whenever you feel like it? Somehow, it always seems to be the same…

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      • Everything that was written for the thread was freshly typed. It is a variation on a theme because I have explained this evolution so often that some of the language is indeed consistent.

        The expaned February 9th version was an attempt to explain my first post in greater detail since you said that you were not familiar with the American system. Hence, I had reason to believe that you were also unfamiliar with the evolution of spanking in late 20th century American history. This was something that I lived through.

        A far more simplified version of the history would have been to point out to an American that, traditionally, there was no upper age limit beyond which girls could not effectively be spanked. Thus, unlike boys, girls could be spanked with equal effect at ages 3, 13, and 33.

        However, to promote federally mandated equality, spanking of both boys and girls was limited to the preteens years when boys and girls were traditionally disciplined just alike. Beyond that, as a search of the internet will reveal, spanking is divided into abuse and erotic. Almost totally ignored is that spanking can be an effective tool for disciplining females of any age.

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  12. Another thing to consider in the current mix is Trump’s pending Religious Freedom Executive Order. Written largely to appease the Religious Right, among other things, it gives preferences to those believing in arrangements such as traditional marriages.

    Now, while the draft of the executive order in question says nothing about marriage itself, it isn’t too far a stretch to suspect that, given budget cuts to the Office of Violence Against Women, it is difficult to believe that there is not a broader plan afoot to restore male dominance in domestic arrangements.

    Moreover, while presidential executive orders tend to be difficult to enforce because they typically require funding by Congress, in this case Congress is already providing the necessary funding cuts. Moreover, the fastest way to nullify a law is to cut the funds necessary to enforce it. (An example on the family budget level would be parents telling a child they want him or her to go to college, but putting no money aside for the child’s tuition, room and board, textbooks, etc.)

    Could I be wrong in all of this? Absolutely. That said, the only way to find out is to wait and see. However, at this point, I wouldn’t bet against my observations. In addition to growing up when spanking females was acceptable, I’ve been watching the battle over spanking for decades.

    Another reason for not betting against my observations is that, even if President Trump goes, Vice President Pence is poised to assume executive power. Unlike Trump, Pence is a diehard believer in the agenda of the Religious Right. Among other things, this faction is primarily responsible for pushing Christian Domestic Discipline.

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