DD or D/s …. Obedience or submission
I posted this yesterday and was blown away by some of the e-mails and comments that lit into Mark and passed judgments about our journey and this exercise in particular. One person said self spanking was a “crock”, another said it was “pointless” and another said it was one of the “most ridiculous wastes of time he’d ever seen put in to writing”. Four people said Mark was wrong for ‘punishing’ me over something I had a right to be upset about, and still another arrogant pseudo do-gooder sent me her phone number and all the alphabets after her name suggesting I have major self esteem issues to subjugate myself to my husband the way I do. Man o Man that rots my socks. And by the way, since when does a Masters degree in education give you a license to do psychotherapy via internet blog post analysis? Give me a break!
You know folks, if this squicks you and you feel compelled to share that, OK, but, speak to your own reality please, you are simply NOT welcome to disparage, demean or judge the rightness or wrongness of mine or my husband’s choices with each other from your own personal comfort zones. If you can’t see how a submissive who has just gone over the line with her attitude being given the challenge to overcome her resistance and discomfort with something embarrassing like spanking herself might be a reasonable exercise in submission, then substitute some other exercise. It’s a discussion where principles matter MORE than specifics, because guess what, the inner struggles are going to apply no matter what.
If submission were about doing only what feels comfortable it would not be the amazingly challenging and ultimately self-actualizing journey that it is… that I find it to be. Sometimes the inner struggle is down right ugly, and it even leeks out and flies in the faces of the dominants who are sharing an equally difficult and challenging if reciprocal journey.
I was going to let it go and just move on with fun stuff and such, but you know, this is my blog. I say what goes up here, and you know what else? D/s and DD are not just sexy romps, and giggles. Domination and submission in particular can involve some very challenging internal struggles and some conflicting motivations, needs and interests even just within the submissive’s point of view. Another element about this weekend’s exercise is how much I discovered about how it really does serve to sharpen and clarify the line between what is DD and what is D/s, something many of us in one or the other & both can have a hard time differentiating until we encounter those weird moments that so often are framed by nothing but raw and wordless feelings of discomfort.
I have two kink related commitments within my relationship with my husband. One involves domestic discipline, our use of spanking and mutual accountability to maintain, reinforce and support discipline. The other involves my submission to his domination. There are areas where they overlap, but it is a mistake to equate one with the other.
What I thought I made clear at the end of this description of my journey from one mind set of complete defiance and resistance to another of better if still imperfect submission was that in reality even I had mixed DD with D/s and within that lay the source of my problems finding my comfort zone as a submissive. Apparently I wasn’t as clear as I’d hoped to be.
Also, since you already are here 🙂 I put a very comprehensive How-To together, for all the people out there who want to get in domestic discipline…
There are chapters on the lifestyle and introducing it, living life in the lifestyle, a detailed description of tools, and much more… Each chapter contains valuable tips and habits that you can apply to your life. I wrote this book because there are no such books out there (!), and … we have developed our relationship with Domestic Discipline so far, that I now consider myself as an expert 🙂
… write me you like it !