often wonder about stuff like what attracted me to my husband and him to me. What is it that has made staying together and staying in love possible? Was it pure luck that he turned out to be the spanker to my spankee, the dominant to my submissive? What on earth brought us together, and how did we know enough to act on it?
And on days like today and the second half of yesterday I really go deep into this kind of mental places… because, on days like today, I really don’t like my husband… He is annoying, arrogant and just plain… well, did I mention he was annoying?
And what in God’s name am I doing in this DD thing anyway? How can I let such an arrogant know-it-all have any say so when it comes to the acceptability of my moods and behavior, never mind any kind of ‘final’ say so?
Don’t get me wrong here OK… These are rhetorical questions fueled by frustration, not real issues… I know I have a good marriage, and a good man… and I know on the kinkish compatibility scale I’m damned lucky… It’s just that sometimes I feel like I will smother under the weight of being submissive to him, and under the weight of his consistency. Yeah I know heresy. A DD wife daring to complain she wishes for less consistency in her husband… On this particular topic I often feel very lonely among my peers who struggle with the opposite. How dare I complain… how dare I lament having what they struggle so hard for?
Well, hells bells, what ever your challenges are you should be allowed to worry, wonder and seek to work them out right? And, my husband’s constant attention to certain things that I do, and his intractable hard line when it comes to certain *things* is like an insufferable brick wall sometimes.
Sometimes I’d just like to be able to drink one or two too many, or tell some obtusely self important store manager to “Fuck off you ass hole” without coming home to consequences… Or, if he must apply the consequences, once they’re over, I wish just once he’d (God forbid!) relax with me, right then, and just smile and agree, that no matter how counter productive my actions were on their face, they were still understandable and maybe even had a teensy smidge of legitimacy…
It takes weeks before he’ll give me that, and sometimes that’s just too late, and when he won’t right away, he makes me feel like a child. Arrgghh! OK, that’s a lie, I make me feel like a child, but it’s his obstinate stance I’m bouncing off to end up there, and he knows it.
In every other respect he keeps me his partner and affords me the camaraderie that comes with that reality, but not in this. When he has chosen to apply discipline, especially over the little things we don’t agree on. The things that result from the behavioral things I do that really get his goat, he shuts me out as his equal until it suits him. He always has, and he probably always will, and you know, it pisses me off, and probably always will.
Fine! I know my shit upsets things around us… me for one… but you know, not every misstep needs a spanking. Sometimes shit for brains idiots deserve a piece of my mind even if they are friends of his, and sometimes even if he says no, I should be able to say yes and go forward without fear that my ass will be blistered for it. And even more important, after I’ve submitted to the consequences for the upset I cause, I deserve to be allowed back into my place with full partnership rights.
Yeah, yeah, yeah I know, quit bitching… But you know, there are times I feel like I’m going to smother…. Like some women feel they will explode because their spouse never seems to notice, I beg God for the day mine won’t notice.
These are the days I need stuff like bloginality and Chinese Zodiac. I need the reassurance that there is a cosmic plan for why he’s mine and a bigger than me and us explanation for why we work…
He’s a dragon, I’m a rat. According to the Chinese zodiac, we are a perfect match. Well, he’s a water dragon & I’m a metal rat, but even if he rusts me a bit, we’re still the best match possible in our generation…. And while our Myer’s Briggs profiles aren’t perfect, just look at the way his traits mesh with mine on the Dominance, submissive scale….
Also, since you already are here 🙂 I put a very comprehensive How-To together, for all the people out there who want to get in domestic discipline…
There are chapters on the lifestyle and introducing it, living life in the lifestyle, a detailed description of tools, and much more… Each chapter contains valuable tips and habits that you can apply to your life. I wrote this book because there are no such books out there (!), and … we have developed our relationship with Domestic Discipline so far, that I now consider myself as an expert 🙂
… write me you like it !