Here’s a topic we touched on a while back, but really didn’t explore in great detail… Annnd since Mark is away & I have to occupy my mind with something… *g* I was hoping some of you articulate and brilliant readers would like to tackle some of the questions I get in e-mails….. Remember, these are real questions that actual people really want to get answers for. So, would you like to share your insights? If anyone has other questions along this vein of discussion to add, feel free…
Some Questions for Readers
1. How did you bring up spanking with your partner?
2. What finally made it possible?
3. What strategies did you use when you told him/her (letters, internet posts printed out for him, just talking)?
4. What would you do differently if you had it to do over?
5. How did it go?
6. Are there things you still haven’t shared fully? (if yes, what & why? *weg*)
(& wouldn’t it be cool if we have a really long in depth discussion that helped someone who is working up their own nerve right now?)
Thanks in advance for participating.
Also, since you already are here 🙂 I put a very comprehensive How-To together, for all the people out there who want to get in domestic discipline…
There are chapters on the lifestyle and introducing it, living life in the lifestyle, a detailed description of tools, and much more… Each chapter contains valuable tips and habits that you can apply to your life. I wrote this book because there are no such books out there (!), and … we have developed our relationship with Domestic Discipline so far, that I now consider myself as an expert 🙂
… write me you like it !
Click here to read a detailed description, or go to Amazon and click here for more!
Love,
Constance
Domestic submission 
I brought it up with tons of embarrassment, couldn’t look him in the eye. The emabrissment is still not gone but it’s better. The reason I finally brought it up was the NEED. I need DD in my life to become the person I want to be, whatever need I have to be spanked, & hopefully it will help the relationship. We are still not fully there. He has only now become semi-comfortable spanking me outside a bedroom setting. We are now working on him initiating it, rather than my having to bring it up. He has come a long way from “I could never spank you”. He is still hesitant and I am doing everything I can to show him it is ok & this is what I want. I am hoping that someday he will LET himself become the true HoH. He does enjoy what he allows himself now so I am optomistic. I brought it up through letters & printed out some information & comments I found online for him. I couldn’t even be in the same room as he read them. There are still some things I can’t address except through text. I am upfront with him and tell him ahead of time if it’s a subject I can’t say to his face. If I could change anything I would wait until I was less embarrassed. I think my shame at wanting to be spanked made him hesitate and question if it is really ok more than if I could have just stated my desires. His reaction was supportive if puzzled. It was hard for him to grasp that I wanted this & hard for him to overcome being taught that you never hit a woman in any way, ever. I am incredibly lucky that he never shamed me and has help me work through some of my shame on the subject. I have read every DD book (including yours Constance) and website I can find & am now looking at more obscure books and sites to explain why I have such a NEED for discipine. I still haven’t found it & if anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them. I still have not gotten into any other possible areas of Discipline. He is having a hard enough time getting his mind around my wanting to be spanked & I don’t want to scare him or for him to decide I am crazy. There is time…
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Chelsea, soory I just saw this – great comment and thank you so much!
The need? Sorry I can’t even explain mine… would be interesting !
But no, you’re not crazy- my blog has about 400 daily readers, it would mean many people out there are crazy 😉
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nice share……………..
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I was the one who brought discipline into our marriage. I was a subject that naturally came up before we were married as my wife asked how my leadership and her submission would work out in practical terms. What would I do if she did not follow me? I told her in plain terms that when that happens I give consequences. She asked – what kind of consequences? I told her – I will put you over my knee and spank you. I think I did a little hand motion for spanking. That sounds like a pretty far out response to some people, but I had used spanking in relationships before, so at that point I was very comfortable saying that, as it had evolved into my way of doing things. My wife naturally had more questions, but she soon understood it as how I manage the home, and manage her.
She learned mostly by question and answer, and later experience. One of the first things she wanted to know was what leads to a spanking. In my simple way of running things, I told her I spank for disobeying me, disrespecting me, or neglecting her work. Another question, which should be an easy one, is — will it hurt. I told her a spanking will always hurt, and that’s part of the learning process. You did wrong and you need to feel some of the hurt that wrong has caused. It is not only a punishment for a wrong, but also a reminder into the future of your behavior. It was not long after our first talk or so that I started putting it into practice.
I’d say discipline has worked out very well. In the first months of our marriage, it helped get rid of her problem with being late almost completely. She ended up with a number of spankings over that, and made a point to change her habits. Since she really is a sincerely submissive wife, I rarely have to spank her for direct disobedience, and most trips over my knee are over her responsibilities, although that crosses over into an area of obedience also, if I gave her those responsibilities in the first place. I recently gave her a memorable strapping over neglected responsibilities – one that was extremely hard for her to bear — and the very next day she was on top of her work, and doing what she needed to do. I’d say – lesson learned. I also find my wife is wonderfully soft and responsive to me the days after she has had her bottom spanked.
One other end to spanking is that it assists in the other kind of correction, which is verbal correction. When my wife remembers clearly what a spanking feels like, and knows to avoid one, verbally correcting her – whether gently or sternly — becomes much easier. She listens attentively, and is quick to put what I say into action. I don’t think words would have as much effect without the paddle sometimes backing them up. I can also give her warnings – which I do occasionally – and she knows they are not vain words. On the few times I have told her – do you want me to take you upstairs right now – she has responded by respecting my words. She knows to improve her behavior immediately to avoid the spanking.
If there is anything I would do differently, or better, it is to make sure she knows as clearly as possible what leads to discipline, and also to be more consistent than I sometimes am. It can lead my wife to be possibly confused, or unsure of my lead.
I believe discipline is an excellent tool in marriage, and can help many couples who do not already use it.
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Thanks for commenting!
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