Submission, self actualization and related radical ideas…
This started as a comment in answer to a great post on Amber made on her blog. My answer got truncated… something I never knew happened… in the haloscan comments… but I guess you’re limited to 3,000 character answers. Bad me for being long winded… First time. LOL.
Well, after having gone round and round in my own mind about submission and what it means, and whether or not I was a submissive, could be, wanted to be, etc… and discovering that my aversion to the word was stupid, blocked my ability to look objectively and openly at my life, and was mainly based on the social stigma associated with the label and had nothing concrete to do with what it really was or meant… I am a sexual submissive. Worse yet! LOL I’m a sexual masochist. How awful for me! LOL! NOT!
Coming to terms with facts and relaxing into some realities I am now comfortable in who I am. There is nothing defective about a woman who thoroughly enjoys sex with her husband, and who has a healthy generative connection with him outside the bedroom. There is nothing defective about a man who has the same thing with his wife. I want, need and like him to spank me. I want need and like him to be the head of our household. I want need and like the comfortable reality of discipline in our lives that now and then includes me being spanked for punishment. He wants, needs and likes all of those things too.
As I tried clumsily to put in my story “Into Secret Places,” I made a neat discovery on my journey as a submissive recently…. Submission is a powerful thing, and it isn’t all me. When Mark took me to a place where I completely gave over to him… where he could have done anything he wanted to me … I realized that in giving him myself so completely, he showed me that the deepest, darkest, most protected secret part of me has a twin place within him where it fits perfectly. He’s been making it for “me” over the years. The most perfect element of my submission was how it dovetailed into “my” place in his soul. How he made me able to trust him to lead me there, and when I made it there, I knew I was safe, and how I knew that I would never be alone again as long as I could stay there. And most amazing of all, was the perfect awareness that even though I was there, completely his and woven into him and what he is, I was and still am me. Not only that, but I knew in that moment that for him I am perfect and for me he is too.
I only hope that vanilla couples can make discoveries like that with each other. I’m sure they can, and do. But so did we and that’s what I think matters.
Submission is a powerful thing. When a submissive can find herself stronger and more whole as a result of where she’s been inside and with her partner she is well on her way to self-actualization. We all need each other, and I think one of the most profound things that human beings can do is discover their humanity and connection to each other.
Submission needs domination. There must be that balance. As I become more whole and at peace with myself as a submissive, I become more and more appreciative of the glow my dominant partner has as he makes his own journey to actualize and realize all of his potential. Together we are more than we are apart, yet because of each other and the strength we draw from who we are together, we are both stronger and better as individuals…
there… my parallel rant about submission and its meaning in my life … met lots of internet rescuers in my travels, never yet met one who seemed as comfy in their own skin as I have become over time….
Also, since you already are here 🙂 I put a very comprehensive How-To together, for all the people out there who want to get in domestic discipline…
There are chapters on the lifestyle and introducing it, living life in the lifestyle, a detailed description of tools, and much more… Each chapter contains valuable tips and habits that you can apply to your life. I wrote this book because there are no such books out there (!), and … we have developed our relationship with Domestic Discipline so far, that I now consider myself as an expert 🙂
… write me you like it !