For many spankos ‘spanking’ has been a focus of our fantasies. I have noticed that male and female spankos seem to relate histories that sound almost like a blueprint.
No matter what the ‘culture’ of discipline in a spankos’ home was while they were growing up, the word ‘spank’ took on a power in their minds and lives. Dictionary and thesaurus pages were marked. Books like Tom Sawyer, True Grit and To Kill a Mockingbird, were spirited out of the library never to be returned, and in time were worn so that they fell open to the spanking pages on their own. Every movie, television program, book, even cartoon with the mere hint of spanking became favorites and fueled fantasies. Some of us even included spanking in our neighborhood games. For most of us it has been a secret ‘obsession,’ and now, thanks to the internet, we are able to share it with others.
What is spanking though?
For me, it is an element of my fantasies, and it is a consequence for failure in some aspects of my life. I both crave and revel in the physical experience of it, and tremble in fear of the physical experience of it. Yet the act is one thing.
I am wired for spanking to be of value for me both as a reward, and as a punishment. And it is both of those things. Does this mean that punishments are rewards, or that rewards are punishments? I have a hard time thinking of anything else like it in this regard (effective as both a reward and a punishment).
Spanking alone is a physical act, but in spankos’ lives it becomes ‘human.’ We give it meaning by putting it into contexts that fit our needs, wants and desires.
The physical experience of a spanking, no matter why it is given to me, results in physical sexual arousal. In fact the knowledge that I am going to be spanked, starts this physical reaction. I have experienced orgasm during erotic play, and even a few times when I was crying and struggling in the desperate circumstances of a severe punishment. In the case of erotic play my arousal is wanted and voluntary. In the case of punishment, it happens in spite of my real feelings and desires in the moment.
So is spanking a sexual act?
I think probably the answer is yes. And I think that this physiologic reality is the underlying feature of spanking that fuels the controversy of it in society. We can argue about it when it comes to children etc, but the argument is moot. I think we (the spankos) are ultimately going to be the proof that it is, at least physiologically a sexual act.
OK back to spanking and what it is in my life.
A spanking is sex play, but it’s really the fantasies and interactions between me & my partner that make it the intensely pleasurable experience that it is in the context of deliberate sex play. The sting wouldn’t really be the exquisite experience that it is in this context, without the things my mind is doing with it.
A spanking is a punishment, but it is really the reason it is being administered and the interaction between the partners that make it the correcting experience that it is in the context of punishment. That the sting hurts in this context, and the emotional experience is unpleasant is a factor of the intellectual meaning of the act now.
Why does the spanker experience sexual arousal in both contexts too? Even vanilla people who are recruited by spankos to spank them experience sexual arousal when they spank; why?
As I suggest above, spanking is a sexual act on a physiologic level. I have a theory about why it may be too.
Besides the fact that it is intimate contact with an erogenous zone of our bodies, spanking is an act of power and dominance. And like our physical erogenous zones, the area of our brains that take on these functions are wired to our sensuality engine… the autonomic nervous system (ok ok big words, but hey) this is the part of us that makes us sensual beings. The sensory experiences of anger, pleasure, fear, and comfort, are all generated and moderated by this same basic part of us.
I also think it’s the emotional meaning of power and dominance for each individual that distinguishes real spankos from real vanillas. Meanings evolve based on experiences.
I have a theory that it is the physiologic sexual arousal associated with the power and dominance of giving a spanking that has helped make it the subject of so much controversy. We (North America) are after all a very prudish culture. If sex is in the equation, it becomes carnal and taboo. We cannot seem to separate the context from the physicality. And we seem to need to feel ashamed of basic physiologic reactions that can occur without any thoughts or motives at all. If we could just under stand the physiology, and acknowledge it for what it is, we could avoid labeling ourselves.
I am not just ‘turned on’ by the prospect of a spanking in erotic play, I am intensely turned on by being dominated as a prelude to that spanking. The most erotic spanking stories for me are those in which the character who spanks is firmly in command, and exerts his authority in a preamble to the act of spanking the woman who has done something to deserve it. If it’s done well, I will have to seek out my husband for some closure of my own, and if he’s not handy, I will masturbate. Yup, I’m a dirty li’l gal. The real thing is simply unequalled. A stern determined man (my husband) is sexier than any chip ‘n dale dancer.
A spanker is going to have to describe what it is about the prospect of giving a spanking that arouses them.
Why, if it’s sexual, is spanking such a good punishment? For me, I think it is because it is a very intense physical experience for both the person being spanked and the spanker. It is a very aggressive act, and for both parties there is a huge expenditure of energy. We can understand the exhausting effect of intense physical exercise, and most of us understand the exhausting effect of a good cry. I think it makes for a profound catharsis that has intense physiologic and hormonal effects.
Physiologically, the act of spanking activates the whole body. The entire nervous system fires off in rapid fire and becomes intensely active. You could fill a volume or two describing the chemistry and physiology of what is happening… but the end result is a tremendous release of energy.
For me though the end result is, I feel calm, peaceful, and comfortable. Add to that the intimacy and closeness I feel with my husband and it doesn’t matter why it was necessary any more, everything is right again. He tells me that the physical and emotional experience is similar for him. Maybe others can validate that from their own perspective.
The physical (physiologic, chemical etc) aftermath of spanking, is part of it, but it is the context we give it as well. It is an emotionally satisfactory experience because we make it that way.
So spanking is an act that has to have and emotional context. It is physiologically sexual, and it can be psychologically sexual. A true spanko is wired to appreciate the context…
Also, since you already are here 🙂 I put a very comprehensive How-To together, for all the people out there who want to get in domestic discipline…
There are chapters on the lifestyle and introducing it, living life in the lifestyle, a detailed description of tools, and much more… Each chapter contains valuable tips and habits that you can apply to your life. I wrote this book because there are no such books out there (!), and … we have developed our relationship with Domestic Discipline so far, that I now consider myself as an expert 🙂
… write me you like it !