Well ya know….. I started this ramble a while back… when I was lamenting the yucky words that describe my contented reality… sexual fetish, submissive, masochist, pain slut…. And of course the ones that describe the man I love deeply… sadist, dominant….
I read a brief flame war on a small DD forum recently, where the moderator, in trying to placate a diverse group, asked a poster to try and grasp how a vanilla husband trying to grasp DD might balk and rebel if labeled a sadist… and how sadomasochism was probably too much of a BDSM topic for a DD forum…. Then I went back to the submission discussions I’ve been part of recently where I shared my initial revulsion with the term (because of all of the baggage it has in our vanilla parallel world) and some of the journey that taught me that the word wasn’t my enemy, my heart was…. It made me sad. DD is not the unique property of the vanilla spousal conversion group, and it does involve sadism, masochism, submission and domination… Do we really get anywhere ‘protecting’ our partners from what amounts to only words? Aren’t we trying to open up perceptions, and expand ideas and views… n isn’t it a bit paternal to ‘let’ them ‘get’ spanking, but protect them from it’s context full?
And now this week, as I confront an almost perfect mirror of my deepest insecurities in a friend…. I am struck by just how usual what we want to call abnormal is… and how it pulls me back again to my fetish, submission, and weirdness… Maybe normal is a much more toxic word than any of those other word… the ones so loaded that I shrink away from them and fight them as meaningful to me or in my life?
Spanking as a part of sex, the relationship and identity of either or both partners …when it is important and essential to fulfillment, is a fetish. OK. Why is that a bad thing, except that it’s a label with social “connotations.” It isn’t of course… it just takes enough suspension of inhibition to get past and accept. And, there is the catch. All of us who’ve adapted to this part of ourselves know absolutely just how hard it was to do this. What if we succumbed to our fear of it and our inhibitions ruled?
I think I realize now, that it is a mirror of me in someone who stayed afraid of the connotations who and what I am that I should be and am most afraid of. They are the ones who would think of me as weak, while I might think of them as defeated…. Are either of us wrong? Or for that matter right? If we clashed could we ever reconcile the points of view and commonalities?
What is the barometer? Would, or should my contentedness and health stand? What if they were also healthy and contented?
Submission, implicit vs explicit consent, sadism, masochism and so many elements of spanking lifestyles bear exploration… I’ve got a ton of opinions and lots of rambling ideas….
I am a happily dominant submissive (unpopular and scary as that is), an unrepentant pain slut who will cum if properly and very soundly spanked, married to a man who takes pleasure in taking me there… (making me a masochist, and him a sadist)… and I do NOT believe that there is a such thing as implied consent. I believe that it is either explicit (which can be remote from the event) or non-existent, and here’s the controversial part…. I believe that play partners have no business going into the world of what is typically called ‘implied consent’…. Play relationships have no business dabbling in punishment and that is the only place the so called “non-consensual/implied consensual” spanking belongs (in a punishment scenario)… the ‘he called it she may not agree right now, but will when she gets smartened up’ kind of situation…. I believe that strongly and have so far not been swayed by any argument that a non-intimate partner can or will ever take on or earn the pre-requisite respect and deeply personal investment in the ‘culprit’ needed to make a ‘real’ punishment meaningful….
So, even among my spankee peers I’m not normal… My points of view fly in the faces of lots of people…. even though they are not malicious or intended to be polar
Is there really such a thing as normal? Or should we maybe go with healthy as a better barometer?
Please do speak up…
Also, since you already are here 🙂 I put a very comprehensive How-To together, for all the people out there who want to get in domestic discipline…
There are chapters on the lifestyle and introducing it, living life in the lifestyle, a detailed description of tools, and much more… Each chapter contains valuable tips and habits that you can apply to your life. I wrote this book because there are no such books out there (!), and … we have developed our relationship with Domestic Discipline so far, that I now consider myself as an expert 🙂
… write me you like it !