Normal and healthy spanking? Is spanking normal?

Well ya know….. I started this ramble a while back… when I was lamenting the yucky words that describe my contented reality… sexual fetish, submissive, masochist, pain slut…. And of course the ones that describe the man I love deeply… sadist, dominant….

I read a brief flame war on a small DD forum recently, where the moderator, in trying to placate a diverse group, asked a poster to try and grasp how a vanilla husband trying to grasp DD might balk and rebel if labeled a sadist… and how sadomasochism was probably too much of a BDSM topic for a DD forum…. Then I went back to the submission discussions I’ve been part of recently where I shared my initial revulsion with the term (because of all of the baggage it has in our vanilla parallel world) and some of the journey that taught me that the word wasn’t my enemy, my heart was…. It made me sad. DD is not the unique property of the vanilla spousal conversion group, and it does involve sadism, masochism, submission and domination… Do we really get anywhere ‘protecting’ our partners from what amounts to only words? Aren’t we trying to open up perceptions, and expand ideas and views… n isn’t it a bit paternal to ‘let’ them ‘get’ spanking, but protect them from it’s context full?

And now this week, as I confront an almost perfect mirror of my deepest insecurities in a friend…. I am struck by just how usual what we want to call abnormal is… and how it pulls me back again to my fetish, submission, and weirdness… Maybe normal is a much more toxic word than any of those other word… the ones so loaded that I shrink away from them and fight them as meaningful to me or in my life?

Spanking as a part of sex, the relationship and identity of either or both partners …when it is important and essential to fulfillment, is a fetish. OK. Why is that a bad thing, except that it’s a label with social “connotations.” It isn’t of course… it just takes enough suspension of inhibition to get past and accept. And, there is the catch. All of us who’ve adapted to this part of ourselves know absolutely just how hard it was to do this. What if we succumbed to our fear of it and our inhibitions ruled?

I think I realize now, that it is a mirror of me in someone who stayed afraid of the connotations who and what I am that I should be and am most afraid of. They are the ones who would think of me as weak, while I might think of them as defeated…. Are either of us wrong? Or for that matter right? If we clashed could we ever reconcile the points of view and commonalities?

What is the barometer? Would, or should my contentedness and health stand? What if they were also healthy and contented?

Submission, implicit vs explicit consent, sadism, masochism and so many elements of spanking lifestyles bear exploration… I’ve got a ton of opinions and lots of rambling ideas….

I am a happily dominant submissive (unpopular and scary as that is), an unrepentant pain slut who will cum if properly and very soundly spanked, married to a man who takes pleasure in taking me there… (making me a masochist, and him a sadist)… and I do NOT believe that there is a such thing as implied consent. I believe that it is either explicit (which can be remote from the event) or non-existent, and here’s the controversial part…. I believe that play partners have no business going into the world of what is typically called ‘implied consent’…. Play relationships have no business dabbling in punishment and that is the only place the so called “non-consensual/implied consensual” spanking belongs (in a punishment scenario)… the ‘he called it she may not agree right now, but will when she gets smartened up’ kind of situation…. I believe that strongly and have so far not been swayed by any argument that a non-intimate partner can or will ever take on or earn the pre-requisite respect and deeply personal investment in the ‘culprit’ needed to make a ‘real’ punishment meaningful….

So, even among my spankee peers I’m not normal… My points of view fly in the faces of lots of people…. even though they are not malicious or intended to be polar

Is there really such a thing as normal? Or should we maybe go with healthy as a better barometer?

Please do speak up…

Also, since you already are here  🙂 I put a very comprehensive How-To together, for all the people out there who want to get in domestic discipline…

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6 thoughts on “Normal and healthy spanking? Is spanking normal?

  1. I happen to agree with the consent issue in regards to punishment. If you’re in a relationship where one partner has earned the right to punish, then consent is the wrong word to use. Play is play, but punishment between bonded partners is so deep as to be indescribable.

    I run far, far away from forums and all the spanking drama. Who cares? Why?


  2. Unfortunately in our society it’s not “normal” to be into BDSM or Domestic Fiscipljne or any variation inside or outside of those boxes… though I agree it should be live and let live when it comes to what two consenting adults do in their own home. I say ‘consenting’ Because this is NOT abuse, not domestic violence. Even if the spanking is not happening during before or after sex, and IS being used in an actual discipline situation, there is consent between the spanker and spankee as they wouldn’t be living the lifestyle without that consent (despite the stories people read online…those are fantasies, not reality).

    I agree with the other commenter, I also stay away from all the forums and such. I find that I don’t fit into anyone’s perfect little checkbox to describe my lifestyle so why allow myself to feel admonished for it?

    Keep on keepin on Constance…there are those of us that totally get where you are coming from and appreciate your narrative.


  3. Looking at matters from a broader perspective, that may be the wrong question. The issue may be less whether spanking is normal than whether the alternatives to spanking are normal.

    A few hundred years ago, it was not uncommon for people to marry two or three times during their life because of the untimely death of a spouse. Today, if people even bother to marry at all, they may run through two or three spouses simply because they got tired of the old one!

    During the course of a rather revealing conversation several years before she died, my mother-in-law observed there were too many divorces. According to her, there would be less divorces of husbands were allowed to privately spank their wives. Of course, popular approval for domestic chastening isn’t likely to happen anytime soon because it would undermine notions of sexual equality,

    In the end, the real question may be whether society benefits more from today’s liberalized divorce laws than it did when husbands were allowed to make their wives lift their skirts, drop their panties, and bend over for an old-fashioned straightening out over a man’s lap.


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