It has been said that we see things not as they are, but as we are.
And so it is with my perceptions of what it means to be owned, or more specifically, what I think makes one good… property. (It’s kind of funny the different hang ups I have with certain words and connotations, but that is a separate entry unto itself.)
I’m a girl who wishes she could control everything. It’s why having Bipolar kills me. I can’t control it. I can’t put it in a little box and conform it to my wishes. It can’t even be controlled precisely by medication.
So, when I think of one who is owned, I often think of someone with incredible self-control. (Stay with me here…) Sure, she does whatever it is that she is told to do, but that is my point. It must take incredible control to obey even when one does not want to.
But if it were really that, it would much easier than I’m finding it. I’m being encouraged to let go, and that is something completely foreign to me. Letting go involves emotion, and for the most part, they’re emotions I am not ready to deal with. When they come to the surface they are angry and raw and ugly, and I just want to push them back down. They’re not to be seen, or even felt, for that matter.
But that isn’t completely honest. It isn’t transparent, and transparency is so integral to what we’re doing here.
It’s hard for me to be transparent, because I don’t like what I see when I give more than a passing glance, and I sure as hell don’t want to show all that ugliness to someone else. I’ve always thought it was important to be strong, and part of that strength was always keeping a lid on the darkness that I don’t want to admit. Until I met Mark…
Also, since you already are here 🙂 I put a very comprehensive How-To together, for all the people out there who want to get in domestic discipline…
There are chapters on the lifestyle and introducing it, living life in the lifestyle, a detailed description of tools, and much more… Each chapter contains valuable tips and habits that you can apply to your life. I wrote this book because there are no such books out there (!), and … we have developed our relationship with Domestic Discipline so far, that I now consider myself as an expert 🙂
… write me you like it !